The following is a post from Tabitha(wife to Tom, homeschooling mom to 8 kids ages 14 to 1, learning something new all the time)
(aka, how we started homeschooling…)
My husband and I first considered homeschooling our children when pregnant with our first child. We were both still in college. I was in a secondary education program, taking classes to finish my degree. One of my electives for graduation was a home education course. It was supposed to help teachers-to-be prepare for this growing movement. It turned into an experience where I was shown a new option which was made real by the child visibly making himself a part of my existence. It became my favorite class overnight. The speakers, the materials, the different presentations all had an immediate impact on my thinking as I considered this person who was joining our family and how he would grow and learn. I brought my husband to classes. I asked the professor endless questions.
I never looked back.
My husband took a little longer. It was a, ‘let’s see’ kind of approach. Michael was born a month after this half-semester class ended. I finished my degree a month after he turned 1. By the time he was 2 he knew his ABC’s and numbers, even though he didn’t talk very well. By the time he was 4 he had taught himself to read. No, I wasn’t forcing my child to memorize flash cards or spend hours a day on drills. I was simply playing with him and his little brother and sister.
No, this isn’t typical, but my husband and I were watching what a child CAN do with simple support and guidance at home. By this time my husband was much more supportive of homeschooling. We had started telling friends and family about our plans. We both have brothers who are teachers. We both were products of the public school system. We both had parents who were very involved in the public schools including school board, PTA, volunteering, and odd jobs within the schools.
At first, we were criticized. Both sides of the family had negative thoughts to some degree about the idea and figured we’d change our minds once we hit kindergarten age. They got to know Michael and realized he was advanced in many ways but instead of seeing that this was due to our approach to learning, insisted this was more of a reason to get him into a school early. We simply explained that we were going to homeschool and left it like that. I heard many sounds of disbelief and disapproval, but a kind of acceptance that this wouldn’t last long and we’d see the light sooner or later.
As each of our children grew, we found more reasons to homeschool in their personalities, their strengths and weaknesses, their needs, their learning styles, and even their interests. The reasons we had to homeschool never included the quality of the schools we lived near, safety, teachers, curriculum, though those were all things to consider. The reason simply was that we were doing what we felt was best for our children, both for their education and their growth.
Our family and friends saw some of the same things we did in our children.
We started seeing gifts from grandparents that we could only call ‘educational’. (we took this to mean that they wanted to help, not that we weren’t doing a good job!) We started getting questions about how the kids were doing with schoolwork and what they were learning. We started hearing from friends who were considering homeschooling. We started hearing what family had told others about us. We realized that while we may not have won over anyone to homeschooling (which wasn’t our goal), we at least had earned support of our educational choice for our children.
Over the years, we’ve seen the negativity completely disappear from family and friends. They see our 8 children and that they are well behaved, intelligent, well rounded, and happy. I don’t take the credit for this, not my kids or the change in family. They have read the same news articles I have. They have seen the same changes in schools. Some of them have tried homeschooling themselves, or at least looked into it. They might be just keeping their thoughts to themselves after 10 years of voicing them and seeing that they had little impact.
Morals of the story:
- Show, don’t tell. We let our families and friends interact with our kids rather than try and prove they were doing well.
- Listen, don’t argue. We heard the complaints, but didn’t try to counter them with arguments of our own.
- Don’t criticize back. We didn’t tear down anyone else’s educational choices, just went on with our own.
- Wait. Let critics see results over time.
- Answer questions about homeschooling without trying to ‘convert’ anyone.
It’s not worth fighting anyone about whether you homeschool or not. They have no input to your children’s education. I trust that each parent who is truly interested in their children will help their child learn and be their best in whatever way they can, whether it be through home education, public school, private school, charter school, tutors, or some mix of all of the above. We can all just support each other without tearing down. We all have the same goals. After all, isn’t a balanced, happy adult what we all want our children to become?
Jennifer says
Just what I needed. Thank you.
Danna Lockerby says
I am beginning to homeschool my 3 & 5 year old sons and honestly, I’m feeling attacked from all sides about it. My in-laws are coming around to the idea, but not happy about it. People I go to church with or my mom’s club friends constantly nag and push me to “just try the local public school”. I have a 21 year old stepdaughter, who went all the way through public school and lived with us full time from 4th grade until graduation. I’ve done the public school route, that’s the very reason I don’t want to again.
We were in the Seattle area when my stepdaughter was growing up and the schools there are considered very good and ranked highly nationally. I was still very disapointed with them. We’re in Phoenix now and the schools in Arizona rank in the bottom 25% of the nation in terms of test scores. Why in the world would I move from what were considered great schools to lousy schools and stick my boys in them? I was going to homeschool if we stayed in Seattle for heavens sake!
My 5 year old talked at 10 months old, he spoke in complete sentances and counted to 10 at 18 months old. He reads now and is doing addition. I can’t see what a public Kindergarden class could possibly offer him.
I’m tired of being ragged on about homeschooling him. It makes me only want to socialize with other homeschool families. I mean I don’t say to my non homeschooling friends, “I think any parent that puts their child in the nightmare of public school must not care one whit about their child.” I wish they would quit telling me how they “don’t believe in homeschooling”, “think homeschool kids are weird and unsocialized”, “don’t think parents can really teach their own children”. and nagging me about “just trying” the public schools here.
Anyone have a polite way of saying “I really don’t want to hear your opinion on how I should educate my children, back off and shut up”?
Janice says
How about “I appreciate your concern, but this is what we have decided is best for our family right now”, smile, then change the subject or walk away.
Tami says
Just remember this: Sometimes you don’t HAVE to say anything. EVER.
Worrying about what other people think is like letting somebody live rent-free…
IN YOUR HEAD! You don’t need approval, except maybe from your state.
Don’t worry. Don’t listen. Is this mental anguish helping your home school? If it’s not, it’s not, think about that. I’ve come to realize that the times I feel exactly like you about the negative feedback from people is when I am in fact feeling less-than-adequate or scared or doubtful. Don’t explain yourself. Don’t convince people. Don’t worry.
Smile. Don’t say anything!
God will guide you if you’re quiet and able to hear him.
Karrie says
We pulled our 3rd grader out of public school January 4th. Our three other school age children will begin homeschooling this fall. We are still “in the closet” about pulling the other kids out. People were, for the most part, unbelievably rude. I have heard comments such as, “you think you can get her caught up?” She was behind in math. Also, the very same public school teachers who say that the kids nowadays are horrible, and that at least 80% of the teachers are just drawing a check, are the same ones who say they are not for homeschooling. I needed this article and am especially interested to hear the polite way to tell people that their opinion really doesn’t matter.
NancyP says
When I am asked (as I still am, after 9 years of home education) about socialization, I just start laughing. This lets the questioner know that his/her query was, well, silly. Then I explain that my children have more friends now and more peer activities than they ever did when they were in traditional school – because we have more time to allow them to pursue their passions. Both of my children have been involved in church activities, Scouts, music and sports programs, archery classes, swim lessons, etc. They have friends of all ages and I am constantly told how well-mannered they are, how at ease they are with older people, young children and people they are meeting for the first time. I typically add a final comment along the lines of, “They’d add more activities, but I don’t have time to drive them to anything else!”
Honestly, the whole “socialization” thing is a red herring…and should be treated as the distraction it is. The real issue is educating our children to be the leaders and good citizens of the future – and even the most outspoken detractors of homeschooling can’t pretend that all public schools can do that job well. That’s why they bring up the socialization question.
Donna says
This is so funny to me as well. We have two boys, entering 2nd grade and Kindergarten. Our oldest went to public school during his K year, and he buddied up with “the bad kid” in his class. He learned a difficult lesson that when your acquaintances get in trouble, then you will too (if you’re standing next to them). When I finally told our son that he shouldn’t play with that boy, he simply answered, “but Momma, nobody else will be his friend.” My heart melted at my son’s sensitivity.
Public School children are not necessarily the children that I choose to socialize my own with, (not that we only play with other homeschoolers, I don’t mean that at all). But seriously, school should not be the essence of socialization. Its shouldn’t be all about play time and sports, but sadly, that’s what our system as turned into.
Moreover, we get our education time in daily, (more than what our public school friends do and in less time) and then we run all over of place for our socialization. After homeschooling for only a year, I cannot imagine sticking my children back in a desk to sit for 7 hours a day. Our afternoons are filled with park days, play dates, field trips, group enrichment, and quality family bonding time.
The local school that we are zoned to attend has recently nixed art and music due to budget cuts. My children go to a weekly art class and piano lessons. They wouldn’t get that in public school. My oldest son learned fractions this year by making brownies and cutting watermelons. He wouldn’t get that in public school. We went on something like 15 field trips with our group (plus the many trips that went alone), he wouldn’t have gotten that in public school. He learned life lessons with his Daddy, how to use specific hand tools, how to brace boards correctly when building anything, & more, he wouldn’t have learned that in public school. He learned how to budget, save, spend, and tithe with Momma in math class. He wouldn’t have gotten that in public school.
My public school friends (and private, Christian school friends), have not been able to give me a single example of something their kids did this year, that my son missed. In fact, they usually ooh and ahhh over our weekly ventures.
So when asked why, or how, or told “I don’t agree,” I simply explain that The Lord blessed us with these children, nobody else. It is our job to raise them, that includes educating them. THIS is the path that the Lord has set out for us. *smile sweetly* People can’t argue with God, they never win, and usually takes care of the remarks.
Heather says
Hi All,
My daughter will be 2 in one week. My sister just sent me a book for homeschooling ages 2-5. It seems like something I would like to start doing with her. I sing the ABC’s to her we count and we can do quite a few things. We just moved and she has other kids she plays with now. My question is how do you introduce schooling to the child? I see all these resources about reseaching for me but nothing on how to get your child ready to learn and do the activities. I have always wondered how I can start teaching her and getting her ready for school. How do I introduce a structured learning program to her? Sometimes I think I am the one lacking on the teaching and not setting her up to be prepared. Help… Thanks.
Molly says
I have good news for you – you already are getting her ready to learn! You have already started your homeschooling journey, and it sounds as though you and your daughter are off to a great start! With the very limited experience I have (my oldest son is going into first grade, and the youngest is 2), my goals for my 2 year old are to introduce the basics, just as you are doing. Even more importantly to me is working on shaping his character. We spend more time talking about obedience, kindness, encouragement, and love than anything else. I think one of the best things we can do with our young children is help them learn about being obedient and being a team player – both help set the stage for a peaceful, productive home and homeschool life! Keep up the good work, mama!
Tami says
You’ve been “teaching” her since she was born! You just didn’t look at it as teaching. You know what your daughter responds to, you know what makes her happy. Trust yourself to teach your child. And trust your child to learn and to want to!
By the way, she’s only 2. relax. enjoy her. Most importantly, let her enjoy YOU!
God Bless your family!
Sue says
Donna, I don’t know if you are a Christian, but if you are, and you feel called by God to do this, then one appropriate response could be something like, “I’m going to do this until the Lord tells me to do otherwise.” If not, then perhaps something like, “I’m happy with the way things are now, so we are going to keep on this course.” Whether you are a Christian or not, those who aren’t on board yet will probably not get on board until they see the fruit in your child as a result of your homeschooling. This takes time, and like a good apple tree, the fruit won’t show up overnight.
As for getting them off your back, sometimes you do need to avoid the negativity of others for your own sanity, and only venture out among those who are ignorant of homeschooling when you are emotionally ready to deal with it.
I have recently had one woman who spoke negatively to me and my children about our homeschooling. She asked if the children missed public school. They quizzically looked at each other, as if she had spoken in German. I laughed and explained they had never been. She said, “It’s such a shame they never get to be around other children their age.” I said, “Sure they do!” And left it at that. I have come to realize that it’s not my job to convince anyone else this choice is a good choice. I do not answer to them. I am in a country where, for now, we have the freedom to choose how to educate our children. I am taking advantage of that freedom. Someday, she may change her mind – when she meets more and more homeschoolers who are articulate, polite, and sociable!
Take heart! Your children are reaping great benefits from homeschooling, even if you don’t see a lot of that right now. You are doing a great work – keep it up!
Annagrace says
Yes, the socialization issue is such a ridiculous argument. Why on earth would you want your child to get their knowledge of how to socialize from other children who have no idea how to interact appropriately? If you don’t expect them to learn Math from a fellow student, why do you expect them to learn social graces from them?
I must say I am shocked to hear that some of you are still getting flack from uninformed bystanders. I guess I am surrounded by such an amazing support group that I didn’t realize people still struggled with this! I would say, first and foremost -FIND A HOMESCHOOL GROUP!! I was homeschooled for my entire education, but I still struggle with different issues. The great thing about a group, is that there is almost always someone who has “been there done that”! They can offer you advice better than anyone else, because they are also familiar with the general dynamics of the area you live in.
If you can not find a local group then look online. God Bless the internet! It helps us homeschoolers SO much!
As far as what to say to other people- perhaps something along the lines of “this is what we as (child’s name)’s parents have decided is best for them at this time” would deflect some of the attacks, but some people just want to air their opinions (no matter how hurtful or incorrect they are) and it really doesn’t matter what you say. Obviously if they are saying such a thing to begin with then they don’t operate on an moral level to which they should.
Annagrace says
I forgot to mention that I am homeschooling my 7 year old daughter and will be homeschooling my 3 year old son. 🙂
Kristy says
Annagrace, your comment about socialization made me laugh. You’re so right, they can find plenty of socialization among children you wish they WOULDN’T learn from in schools.
Beth says
I get homeschooling. I don’t do it but I get it. I have friends that do it and love it. They are trying to pressure me into doing it as well. They tell me on a regular basis how much better it would be for my daughter. I am still trying to figure out all the reasons God put me on this earth, however, I KNOW that it was not to be a teacher. I KNOW in my heart that I would not be good at it and I don’t have the patience for it. Knowing all this, makes me completely sure of my choice NOT to homeschool. It is not in my daughter’s best interest. All that said, this does not mean I am any less involved in my daughter’s education. I am very involved. Even though my daughter is in public school, she is bright, articulate and well-mannered. I believe this is a product of my being an involved parent not my choice in schooling.
I truly believe that teachers, both professional teachers and home-school teachers, have the hardest job out there and I stare at them in complete amazement that they are able to do day in and day out, but it doesn’t mean it’s best for everyone.
I just wish we could all get to a place where we support each others choices, and support each other vs. pushing what we believe to be best on others.
Janice says
Good for you! Not everyone on this earth is called to homeschool, and it is wise of you to recognize this. There are overzealous people in both camps.
Kristy says
Yes! I love your last sentence! Parents have the ultimate responsibility for encouraging that kind of growth in their children. I would love to homeschool. Learning activities are a part of our daily life with two young boys. We have registered our older son for public kindergarten in the fall and in the meantime, both my husband and I are determined to keep educating him at home. We will be looking for areas that are missing in his public education and supplementing at home. If we believe, in the future, that homeschooling would be a better option, we are fully prepared to take that option. I love to read about homeschooling and this is a great post – thanks!
Loretta Rizzo says
We have been homeschooling our children for 12 years now. There were a couple times that we buckled to family pressure and put our children in public school. Now we just don’t care what people say, be it family, friends or strangers. God gave these children to *us* to raise and we are ultimately responsible for them, not any one else. If they don’t like our choices, well … that’s just too bad LOL
I don’t mind showing progress through reports, papers, test scores etc. My issue is when people who are insecure with their choices try to grill/test my children because they are trying to prove they are superior to us and our children. I can tend to get very defensive when it comes to people like that.
tuxgirl says
I have a few questions. I’ve always been a bit cautious about the idea of homeschooling, partly because I’m not the most social person in the world, and most of the homeschooled kids I’ve known were *very* socially awkward (my best friend being the only exception).
However, now, with my 18-month-old, I’m trying to figure out how to help her learn things at home, for now, at least. I don’t know if we’ll home-school, but even if we don’t, I do believe in teaching at home to supplement public school, if nothing else.
But, I’m running into some struggles. I was never trained in education, and I’m not sure what the best way to teach her is. She says a few words, but not a whole ton. I want to help her to learn, but I’m not sure the best way. Do you have any links or suggestions? How did you introduce your children to the alphabet? There are toys that do that, but I’m not convinced that electronic toys are the best solution.
tuxgirl says
just wanted to clarify that i dont think social skills are impossible, but i’m concerned that since I’m not very social, I’m concerned that I would make the problem worse if I homeschooled… most of the non-socia; homeschooled kids I know had socially awkward parents as well…
Kristy says
tuxgirl, I know your questions are not for me :), but quickly on the alphabet, we love the use of a magnet alphabet on the refrigerator, alphabet books like Dr. Seuss’s ABC read daily, and foam letters. I got this idea from another blog: one idea is to introduce a foam letter (you can get those foam letters and numbers at grocery stores, Target, etc.) at each diaper change for a week, giving the letter and the sound it makes. Each week you can move on to a new letter. It helps to do it with a fun song! 🙂
Tabitha says
Kids that age learn through play. We don’t do electronic toys either, we play WITH our kids. We have letter magnets, puzzles, watched Sesame Street together, write their names on everything, draw pictures together, count steps we take to the car or up to our apartment or in our house, play games, count money, play outside, draw letters in the dirt, sing songs, read lots of books, and just enjoy being together. Kids will learn even when you aren’t thinking you are teaching. Did you have a lesson plan to teach your child to walk? Nope. She had part of it in her and part of it she figured out by watching you.
When I continued to homeschool with normal ‘school’ years, I thought of it as just continuing what I taught my children those first years at home. Learning alongside them, leading by example, and being more of a resource rather than telling them anything. We learn by doing, learn by example, learn by watching sometimes but not always.
I’ll have to find some sites for ideas to work with a preschool level, most of these I just did on my own and then looking back, found that people were writing about what I was doing anyway with my kids. Set some goals, then think of fun ways to reach those goals. A letter a week, a color a month, things like that. Or just keep playing and then assess every now and then. When she’s 3, does she know what you think she should? If not, does she know things and do things you are proud of anyway? It’s not something to worry about if learning isn’t fast and furious. The best learning is on your own timeline. Even in public or private school, when the student takes responsibility for their own learning and internalizes it by getting it on their own, that’s when the really exciting stuff happens.
Denise@TogetherWeSave says
I never even condidered home schooling …. I never thought I would be good at it but I realize now my kids might have enjoyed it more that I had thought.
Kellie says
At this risk of sounding over-simplistic, let me just say that sending my kids to “real” schools ruined their lives. My children and I were all very close until my necessary divorce forced me to enroll them due to custody issues. After they started attending school, all the problems started. Suffice it to say that, if I had it to do all over again, besides never marrying my first husband, I would never have subjected my children to schools (this includes the “Christian” schools they attended). I know everyone has a different situation and I don’t mean this as a judgment on people who utilize outside schools, but for our family, it has been a nightmare. Homeschool all the way!
Connie A. says
Love your blog. I appreciate your balanced view and like your comments like “don’t criticize back” and “answer questions about homeschooling without trying to convert anyone.” For years I was dogmatic about homeschooling and thought I’d never do anything different. I also thought I could counter any excuse people had for “not homeschooling.” Later after suffering through health issues, I found myself eating my words. I finally counseled with my pastor and we decided to give up homeschooling (after 16 years) I went through a period of guilt and adjustment, and I think much of it had to do with my prior attitudes. Our older kids really did great with home education, but our younger ones are thriving in Christian school and praise God, I no longer have any regrets. I’m very thankful for the social contacts that I’ve made with some of the other parents. I’ve also taken teaching courses and was hired to work with the struggling learners at our school. It has also changed my whole outlook on learning disabilities. Moral of the story: 1.) Seek to provide your children with a Christian education 2.) Social contacts are important 3.) School didn’t “ruin” my children 4.) Do all that you do to the glory of God!
Lisa says
We just finished our first year of homeschooling, kindergarten and were thrilled with how things went. we do get a ton of questions and quite a bit of negativity, but i have finally reached a place that i can agree to disagree and i know this is what’s best for us, but not always whats best for everybody. it’s such a touchy subject at times, moms can be so critical on each other! we just all have to understand that we each are trying to do what’s best for our own child, that’s all that matters!
Becca says
I really like your “Morals of the Story”. I will have to remember those and employ those.
Ashley Wright says
I have been homeschooling my children and homeschooling has always helped my children.
Chris James says
Great blog!! I have homeschooled my children and my children are doing well. Thanks for sharing such a great blog.