The following is a guest post from Heather.
I don’t often admit to friends and family what I’m about to confess to strangers now.
It’s best to rip a bandage off fast, right? Well, here goes.
I have a four-month-old and I’m already thinking about having another baby.
You might be rolling your eyes right now, thinking I must be one of those starry-eyed moms blessed with a baby who sleeps all the time. On the contrary, my four-month-old is a high-needs baby with acid reflux. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since the week before he was born. And I’m nursing, which means I run on energy boosters such as low-fat milk and, um, water.
Still, I am convinced that what I have is a blessing. I’m sleep-deprived but, more than that, I’m blessed. We wanted children for a long time before our son was born. Ours is a culture that doesn’t always value children. We have daycare and after-school care. We buy TVs and video game systems for our kids’ rooms and portable DVD players for our vehicles. And, as someone who bookmarks YouTube videos for my infant son, I’m not pointing fingers; I’m confessing.
The practice of actively caring for our children is in direct opposition to what our individual-focused culture promotes. We’re encouraged to pursue the self above all else. Reality programs like “The Biggest Loser” applaud a contestant’s desire to lose weight for herself first, family second. Expanding our families is inconvenient; laying aside the desire of the self is all but impossible.
Because it is such an impossible thought that we as sinful humans would choose parenthood, we know the longing comes from the Lord: “But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'” (Matthew 19:26). With Christ, there is no such thing as an unwanted pregnancy.
Though it’s difficult to admit in the middle of the night, it truly is a blessing to wake up to care for my baby. I know there are many mothers-at-heart who long for the aching body and sleepless nights that a child would produce. Adding to our families through the blessing of pregnancy and adoption is a gift, pure and simple. It reveals our own helplessness and nakedness before God, our total dependency on His willingness to hold us in the palm of His hand, to save us even when the cost to Him is death (John 3:16). Parenthood is, I believe, both the dimmest possible representation and closest possible example we have of God’s love for us, His children.
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:10).
Heather is a stay-at-home mom and writer. She is the author of two poetry chapbooks and blogs at www.thencomesmercy.com.
All Scripture references from the English Standard Version of the Holy Bible
Abagail says
I love your article. I have 2 daughters age 2 and 3 and am expecting my third. It is astounding the reaction I get from some about how they think this is too much. People don’t think when they react and our culture values 2 children families. I even had someone tell me not to have baby four because thats too much.
My husband has a pretty good job and we can afford 3 children. We have also made the necessary cuts. I clean my own house, we don’t go out to dinner often, we find things on sale etc… I love it when people say I couldn’t stay home but would have liked to. For some this may be true. For others they couldn’t make the sacrifices to do so. Its about choices and budgeting your money.
I am a stay at home mom. I have a Masters Degree and am a Teacher/ Guidance Counselor. I worked in the field 10 years. I chose to postpone my career so I can stay home full time. I truly feel that no one will love your children the way I will and take care of their needs. I have worked at high quality daycare and as a nanny and I’m sorry to say its not the same as the parent watching the child. For me this was the right choice because I won’t be able to get the time back. My children are my number one priority.
I worked full time one year with my first child and have stayed home full time. When I worked I enjoyed a paycheck and self sufficiency but in the end my heart was not in the right place. Staying home is more gratifying to me. Staying home full time with no help is harder then going to work in my opinion. One particular person in my life make comments of how I must have so much free time. They don’t get it. But how could they if they haven’t walked in my shoes.
I have a different perspective being that my first pregnancy I lost a set of twins when I was 6 months pregnant. It was a very dark time in my life and I wondered if I would ever have kids. It made me realize what a blessing my children are. Life is simply too short and I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed my kids growing up.
I do have to admit I am not religious but I do feel lucky maybe even blessed to have my children. Thank you for writing this article.
Chrissy says
Heather, I have to echo what others have said about dairy and reflux. It was true for all of my three sons and they didn’t outgrow it. They just didn’t sleep well for years and years. 🙁 I nursed them all, 2 1/2 years each, and my pediatrician also didn’t think dairy was the problem. The thing was…when I eliminated it for the older boys, myself and by extension, my eight month old…within a few days we were all sleeping through the night. My oldest son stopped waking up several times a night to crawl into our bed, the middle son stopped having night terrors and the eight month was sleeping through the night for the first time ever. Truly…it happened all at once. I can’t rationalize that as a coincidence. It might be worth a try to eliminate dairy…at least lactose. You could still eat aged cheeses like cheddar as a source of calcium. We eliminated all dairy. though, just to be sure. 3 years later I still regard it as one of my better mommy decisions. I miss my mozzarella though! lol
Emily says
My husband and I felt “ready” to get pregnant again when our son was six months old, although we weren’t using birth control and would’ve welcomed a baby with open arms before that! My cycle didn’t return for another three months, then it took three months to conceive. Our little girl is due in less than two weeks; they will be about 20 months apart. People think we’re crazy for having two so close together. And we get many people who think that since we now have one of each, that we’re “done” having children. It’s so frustrating. If we had ten boys and no girls, those boys would be no less of blessings. And we wouldn’t be “trying” for a girl; we would trust the Lord to determine how many children we have and what sex they would each be.
Being a mom is one of the hardest, but most blessed jobs in the world. And I wouldn’t trade one middle of the night feeding, one puke-covered shirt, one snotty shoulder for anything. Children are a gift from God and we will welcome all the gifts God sees fit to give us!
Serena says
I am not yet at the point where I am sleep deprived because of a crying baby–just because of the aches & pains of being 31 weeks pregnant. 🙂 But, I loved this article.
“I know there are many mothers-at-heart who long for the aching body and sleepless nights that a child would produce. ” <—this line really got to me. Last summer was the worst and best summer of my life–the worst because we had a miscarriage in June, and the best because we found out mid-August that I was four weeks pregnant. It's probably due in part to our miscarriage, but I am enjoying every bit of this pregnancy. Sure, I'm achy & uncomfortable, but my little blessing is growing healthy & strong, so what do I have to complain about? And when he wakes me up screaming in the middle of the night, or when he just won't go to sleep, I am going to work so hard to remind myself (if I ever forget!) how blessed I am to have him.
Thanks for a lovely article!
Heather says
Glad you enjoyed it, Serena!
Heather says
I grew up in a house like yours, Leslie! I was 11 and my sister was 9 when our little brother was born; my poor mom had to deal with two teenage girls and a baby boy for several years!
Kristina says
I just wanted to let you know that this is an absolutely beautiful article that I LOVE LOVE LOVE. My daughter too was (and still is at 2 yrs old) a reflux baby. We had the months and months of all day screaming just to go into the all night screaming. {On a side note, I highly recommend looking into food allergies/intolerances – starting with dairy and soy first. I was nursing also so had to eliminate these things from my diet. Switching pediatricians (the first one said it was normal meanwhile my baby became Failure to Thrive!) and seeing a pediatric gastrointestinal dr were huge lifesavers too!} Even though those days often included crying from me, I was always in the end full of joy for the blessing that God had given me. Thank you for sharing!
Heather says
I’m glad to hear you enjoyed it, Kristina! We definitely haven’t ruled out the possibility of a dairy allergy. For now, our pediatrician isn’t recommending that I cut out dairy, but we have discussed it as an option. Right now, my son seems to be doing well with the inclusion of dairy in my diet. I’d love to hear any advice you might have to offer on toddlers with reflux; I’ve been told babies mostly grow out of reflux. Do you find that to be true?
miriam says
You are not weird for wanting another baby already. My little girl will be 3 at the end of April. My son is 18 months this week and I too have an almost 4 month old. My husband and I both believe children are a blessing from God.
Heather says
I know you’re having a great time with all of your little ones, Miriam! Blessings to you.
Lisa says
I so agree with you in this post! We have six children ranging from 4 to 18. My children are in two sets kind of. The first three are each 18 months apart. We then have a five year gap and the next three are each 18 months apart. We have taken a lot of criticism for choosing to have so many. After 5 c-sections we could no longer have anymore.
The funny thing is while I am now moving on to another stage of my life, I find myself saddened by the finality of not being able to bring another life into this world.
The joy my children give me is immeasurable. To choose to bring another life into this world is so unselfish when you do so because of the blessing involved by God!
I will tell you that God has provided us with the finances, patience & love we needed to raise our kids. We have been approached so many times by women who could never conceive, they always remind us that we are blessed.
Heather says
We’re very blessed, Lisa.
Leslie says
I had my first son at 30, my second at 32, a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage at 43, and another surprise pregnancy which resulted in our third son being born this past November. I’m 47 and my husband is 46, and we’re sleep deprived once again! But we consider it a huge blessing!! I always felt like someone was missing in our family, but I don’t feel that way anymore (except for our little angel in Heaven). If we were younger, I wouldn’t mind having another one so that our youngest would have a sibling closer to his age to grow up with, but I am eternally grateful for the 3 boys we have!! Life is a lot richer and quite comical now that we’re juggling 2 teenagers and an infant!
Katie R says
What a wonderful reminder! I stayed home from work again today due to overwhelming morning sickness and need to be reminded there is an end goal to this that will be more than worth it!
Heather says
Awww! Hope you feel better soon, Katie.
Nicolle says
Glad to know I’m not crazy for planning my next pregnancy with a four month old baby. Lol. Though I am one of those lucky moms whose baby has been sleeping through the night since 2 months old.
Heather says
Care to share your secrets, Nicolle? 😉
Jamie says
When people find out my almost 2 year old still doesn’t sleep thru the night, they apologize. What they don’t know is during those hours when I do need extra patients or during the afternoons when I’m lacking energy I remember the monthly reminder that would set off the crying, emotionally fueled wrecks that were us durign the nearly 3 years it took to concieve……….
It’s ALL worth it
Heather says
SUCH great wisdom, Jamie!
Savannah says
My son is almost 11 months old and most nights is still waking up 4-6 times a night..this message is a reminder I need almost daily. Thank you!
Heather says
I definitely have to remind myself daily, too, Savannah!
Kelli T. says
I had to admit, my daughter is a high needs baby with acid reflux. She spent the first 3 months of her life screaming all day and all night and honestly, during all of that, I was already ready for baby number 2. I totally understand. The irony is that prior to her conception, I wasn’t sure I even wanted kids. I liked living for myself, but now that she is hear, I want a whole houseful!
Kelli T. says
Hear = here (sleep deprivation at its best!)
Heather says
Haha! I totally understand! And as to your daughter spending the first 3 months of her life screaming all day and all night…I think you just described my son! 😉
Jolyn @blackbudgets says
That was just beautiful.
Heather says
So glad you enjoyed it, Jolyn!
Breanna says
Thank you for you article! I feel the same about how society thinks of kids and ‘ourselves’. it is very sad. i have been blessed with three little kiddos and that is all my body will ever produce. so i really do enjoy waking in the middle of the night and seeing them sleep or cry. more people need to see children as the blessing they are and the gift the Lord has given each of us! oh, side note have your babies close together, it is SO much more fun watching them growing together 🙂
Heather says
It’s our hope to have our kids close together, Breanna! SO glad you liked the post!