Uncomfortable.
I haven’t been able to put my finger on it until now, but that’s what it is.
After the initial flow of tears and sadness, comforting the kids, and living through the first few days, things just become uncomfortable.
He’s been gone before. While this is only our second deployment he’s traveled a lot over the past 20 years. We’ve had several moves where we’ve left early and he’s stayed behind for several months. So this isn’t new for us. But it feels different.
Uncomfortable.
It’s uncomfortable to be obsessed with life insurance plans.
It’s uncomfortable to talk to your children about whether their dad will live or die.
It’s uncomfortable to avoid the news because it’s just easier to not know what’s going on.
It’s uncomfortable to be the single person in a group of married friends.
It’s uncomfortable to think that for the next nine months any problem, big or small must be handled by me.
I found a bit of comfort today. I had a “date” with my nineteen year old. We went to dinner and a basketball game. We laughed, joked, caught a flying muffin, and had a fabulous time. For a few hours things were comfortable.
comfort food at dinner
I am grateful.
My husband has been deployed to the Middle East for 274 days. These are my real thoughts expressing my heart during his absence. I appreciate your prayers and kind words as we cope, adapt, and carry on without him until August 2014. To read from the beginning, click here.
Tracy says
Hi!
I just want to say that I am from South Africa and have been following your organise blog for quite some time now.
Although I know pretty much nothing about deployment… I find your daily updates captivating! SO raw, so real!
I look forward to reading it on a daily basis..:)
Praying for you and your family during this time xxx
Susanne Loud says
I am ex mil (Army) I also had to deal with my only childs deployment. Can I give you some advise…
Take it one day at a time. Remember no news is good news. Find something for you and your kids to do or learn to get your minds off of the deployment. Even for just a little bit. I had a calendar that I crossed off the days until his return.
I wrote letters everyday and sent care packages. I tried to keep him up to date with what was going on back home with the family, etc.
You are going to have a long 9 months if you keep having thoughts like that. I never listened to the news or watched it. I had other sources to get my info. Have your day where you have your cry, etc, but then go back to normal life, or as normal as it can be with your husband deployed.
It is never easy,but try to have some sense of normalcy it will go by faster.
Crystal & Co says
I could not imagine. I have no words.
Thinking of you and your family and praying. I’ve been following along since day 1.
Hugs.
Anna says
Praying for comfort for you. We appreciate you and your husband’s willingness to sacrifice personal emotions, comfort and safety for our country. I am a firemen’s wife and know I only have a fraction of the emotions every 3rd day. I cannot fathom what you face everyday. I so enjoy reading your blog and prayer for your family after each deployment post.
Stacie says
I would say that uncomfortable is the perfect description. I can’t imagine how hard it is. I pray that you can find comfort. I am glad you found some comfort hanging out with your son.
Karly says
Uncomfortable is the perfect description. We are experiencing many of the same things at our house. Glad you were able to find a small source of comfort.
Nancy M. says
Just caught up on the deployment. So glad you were able to have a day of normal in between getting used to your new temporary normal. Hope the next 9 months are as great as possible in this situation!