While this post is specifically about blog comments, the advice can be used in life too.
We all remember the first time we got a comment on our blog. We wrote excellent posts, yet the crickets continued to chirp for days, weeks or even months. Then one day we got our first comment, only to be disappointed when you realized it was your Aunt Sally from Wichita! Finally, after a while we started to receive comments from non family members! This was thrilling until we got that first critical comment. Maybe the recipe flopped, or the coupon didn’t work for them, or they just didn’t like the idea, but nevertheless, they are upset and are letting you know in a not so nice way on your blog.
Last week we discussed how to disagree on the internet. This week let’s talk about how to deal with negative feedback on the web. Even if you have never received a negative comment, if you keep publishing eventually you will. You will never be able to please everyone all the time, so remember to be true to your voice and don’t write to make everyone happy. Eventually someone will disagree with you.
There are several things you can do when you receive negative feedback.
Offense not Defense
Many times we get defensive when we receive negative feedback, but often we receive it because the tone of the article makes it sound like our idea is the only way to do something. Saying things like “I feel, This works for our family, or I’ve found this to be helpful” helps create a positive debate. If you write a post claiming that anyone who gives their child a bottle of formula is a terrible parent you are probably opening up a big ol’ can of worms. Everyone’s situation is different so don’t act like there is absolutely only one way to do something. Often how you say something is more important that what you say. You can still be opinionated without being offensive.
Consider the Source
Is the feedback coming from a friend, long time reader/ follower, occasional commenter, or a total stranger? Since you have different relationships with these people your responses will vary. If a friend leaves you a negative comment on Facebook you can pick up the phone and work it out quickly. If it is a stranger your reaction should be different.
Read the Comment Carefully
Often times when we are upset our ability to read diminishes. 🙂 Read the comment several times to make sure you understand what the person is trying to say before you decide on a response.
Find the Truth
Many times there could be a nugget of truth buried in a mass of junk. Try to weed through the junk and consider if any of the points the commenter is making could be valid. While it is hard to admit you are wrong, it is even harder if the other person is wrong too. Try to avoid the blame game and take responsibility when necessary.
Delete
Sometimes a comment is just rude and has no redeeming value at all. Delete these types of comments and don’t think about them again. Some people (in the internet world we call them trolls) lurk around the internet just to insult others. Don’t give them the satisfaction of getting published, delete.
Delete Then Respond
Sometimes people have legitimate concerns, but their comment is so rude publishing it will cause “comment drama” on the site. Respond to the commenter via email addressing the concerns, but don’t publish the comment.
Respond With Kindness
Proverbs 15:1 – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. I have heard numerous stories of bloggers responding to a harsh word with kindness and having the commenter come back and apologize for their comment or email. While you shouldn’t show kindness just to get a positive response, responding negatively almost guarantees another negative response.
Apologize
Even if you are 90% right, apologize for the 10%. Occasionally people will comment and take frustrations out on you, even if it has nothing to do with you. While this is not excusable, you are only accountable for your actions, not theirs. So take responsibility if necessary and apologize.
Contact them Privately
Sometimes a direct email is an opportunity for a peaceful resolution. Remember, what is sent via email does not contain any inflection, body language or other non verbal cues. Choose your words carefully to help resolve the issue. I recommend contacting them privately rather than in the comments because responding in the comments can lead to more conflict.
Know Your Rights
A few states have passed cyber-stalking laws, so find out if you have any legal protection. If you are being threatened you can contact the authorities and have them handle it.
Grow Thick Skin
The larger your audience the more likely you are to have negative feedback from readers. Learn to shrug off the stuff that isn’t important. Don’t get offended if every single person doesn’t love your ideas. People are going to disagree with you, and some of them aren’t going to be polite about it. Learn to let it go, and don’t dwell on the negative.
photo by Chris Guillebeau
Greg Holbert says
This is a problem all bloggers must face at one time or another. Very good post to get people ready for negative criticism!
Homeschool on the Croft says
I haven’t really had any negative comments on my blog, but I come from a small island community, here in Scotland, where everybody knows everybody, and I’ve come close to quitting blogging altogether because of comments I’ve had from people I know 🙁
I think if I ever stop blogging, that will be the reason. None of the ‘locals’ here ‘follow’ me, but I meet loads of folk who tell me they read my blog every day. That’s fine…. if they read because they enjoy it. However, I do get the feeling that some might be reading it to ‘check out’ what I’ve said today 🙁
Such good advice in this post though…. x
Bettie says
Toni,
I can not imagine your getting ANY negative comments! I find all your posts informative and very helpful. I thank God for you!! I was just thinking while doing housework yesterday that you sooo have your act togther, and I so admire you and your family!! You bless my life through your blog, and my husband especially likes your recipes. :o)
Have you noticed that if you stick your neck out and actually DO something, there will be critics from the crowd who is doing ‘nothing’!? At such times in my life, my husband encourages me by telling me, ‘Don’t let the turkeys get you down!’ ;o))
Love, Bettie
Cinnamon says
Toni,
An excellent post not only for blogger’s but also for real-life experiences. As a 911 operator/dispatcher, this reminder keeps me focused on the real reason I do my job and not on the comments, criticisms, and extremely rude callers that I deal with on a daily basis. As a Christian, I need this occasional reminder to rise above the fray and demonstrate civility and Christ-like love to those I come in contact with. Thanks for your post.
Michelle (What's Cooking with Kids) says
Thank you for this post, Toni. I loved it! I was recently telling someone that I wasn’t sure if I had a tough enough skin…My first book was just published (as in – my very first copy arrived this afternoon!) and I am both terrified (of the people who will pick it apart) and thrilled (for the experience!). I will keep your post in mind, and will try to find a way to learn from what others are saying, and to use the delete button if necessary.
Kristen says
Such great advice for long time bloggers and newbies alike!
Jami @ An Oregon Cottage says
These are great tips, Toni! I’ve gotten semi-negative comments in the past- usually this recipe didn’t work for me, which I’ve always found easy to respond to- I just try to work with them on what could’ve happened. I always leave those, because others might have the same problem.
But in 2 years blogging, I only got my first “truly negative” comment a few weeks ago- one of those, “I really wanted to like this blog but…” and then listing what they didn’t like. Of course it was anonymous. Part of what they didn’t like I had been wanting to change, so I chose to leave the comment and respond to that part. But it really bugged me. All day. Oh well.
About allowing anonymous comments, I understand the reasoning not to, but a number of people who read my blog don’t have blogs and find they are only able to comment under “anonymous” so I leave it an option. Of course I’m on blogger, so fewer options (I know…).
Thanks for this article!
TheHappyHousewife says
Jami,
Just one more reason to switch to WP. 🙂 It is harder on blogger, because the only option for nonbloggers to leave a comment is anonymously. Have you tried Disquis? (I’m probably butchering the spelling) I think you have more options using it- when it comes to anonymous bloggers.
Heather says
What ever happened to, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say it at all?” I am part of your larger audience and I think you are wonderful and inspirational! I’m not even a homeschooler. I’m a part time working mom of three. I wish I could be the full time keeper of my home. I still soak up many of your helpful hints and try to implement them. It really surprised me to hear that you get negative comments. Really surprised me. The only thing you do is put GOOD out there into the cyber world! Thank you for all you do! God bless you!
TheHappyHousewife says
Oh Heather…. I wish I didn’t get any negative comments but unfortunately I do. 🙁 But I’ve made mistakes in my word choices on the site too, so it’s good to forgive and move on! 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement!
TOni
Samantha Bradley says
Posts like this is why I named you a stylish blogger. Your award awaits you at http://aspoonfulosugr.blogspot.com/2011/03/stylish-blogger-award.html.
I really appreciate this post as responding to negativity is one of the hardest things to do.
thanks, Samantha
Elizabeth says
I’m bookmarking this against the day that I decide to publish more than one post every three months on my blog. Maybe then I’ll get some comments. 😉
Kathryn says
Another great post! Thank you!!
My question is what if the comment is posted anonymously? That has happened several times on my blog. And it upsets me. I would rather talk that person personally about was said and try to fix whatever I might have done. I have offered to email them about, but they have never responded back.
TheHappyHousewife says
Many blogs do not allow anonymous comments for that reason Kathryn. If someone is posting anonymously then there really isn’t anything you can do but respond in the comment section and hope they will see it. If you don’t feel that is an appropriate response it might be better to delete the comment.
Toni
Mira says
FABULOUS advice! My blog is still tiny, so I haven’t had a problem with negative comments yet. But I’ve been online long to see this situation play out in forums and chat rooms. Things can get ugly FAST!
Nancy says
I agree with nearly everything here. Having thick skin is imperative. 🙂 And *not* reading my comments carefully is something that messes me up a lot — I’ve gotten really upset about certain comments upon first read, then realized later that they weren’t nearly as bad as I had originally thought.
The only point I’m not really on board with is “Delete Then Respond.” Maybe I’m just not as nice as other bloggers (?), but I wouldn’t consider sending a reader who’d left a terrible comment a personalized email. It would be like rewarding bad behavior, imo.
If that person’s comment brings up a legitimate concern, I might amend the original post to reflect my take on that concern, but I wouldn’t write to that person privately. I think there’s far more value in responding publicly if I’m going to respond at all.
Amy says
I actually do have an Aunt Sally in Wichita. I’m just starting my blog, and I really appreciate your advice. Thank you!
TheHappyHousewife says
Too funny! 🙂
Karen says
good advice. I’ll keep it in mind when I get negative comments.