So my site broke this weekend. When I first started blogging and my site broke I would freak out. I would spend hours on my computer and on the phone with the hosting company trying to get it fixed.
Maybe I’ve grown up, or maybe I’m just apathetic but I just rode it out today. And when it finally started working again all the content from the last week was gone. Forever.
The first think I thought of was the deployment series. I did not want to lose these posts. The rest of it I could live without, but not my little online diary.
I was able to find most of the old posts through the daily emails so most of them are back up, but all the comments are gone. 🙁
Deployment day 66 is totally gone since my site crashed while it was saved but not published.
It’s probably a good thing because it was basically a pity party!
Today is my birthday. As far as birthday’s go, I’ve had better, but I’ve also had worse. I really just wanted the day to be over as soon as possible.
Things are not even that bad, I mean there is a bunch of little crap, but nothing terrible. We have a house, food on the table, the kids like each other, we finished cleaning out the playroom today and only found two rotting bananas, things are good.
But throughout the day I kept getting those Facebook notifications whenever someone wished me a happy birthday. You know, where people say things like hope you had an amazing day, hope you had fun, you deserve a day off….
All the stuff I write on people’s walls when it’s their birthday.
Except my day wasn’t amazing. It was crummy. I didn’t enjoy it, get a break, or sleep in. It was just like every other day, except because I wanted it to be something better I spent the day frustrated that it was just like every other day.
Ahh, expectations. Being as old as I am now I should know better. I’ve had more bad birthdays than good- but yet every year I expect something better, not spectacular, just different.
It made me think about how I treat people on their birthday. Do I really care if they had a good day? What have I done to make their day different?
Usually it is nothing. That needs to change.
Don’t get me wrong. I really love all the Facebook birthday messages. I love reading them, they put a smile on my face. But it just didn’t seem right, not this year.
I’ve spent many birthdays with just me and kids so I’m not sure if it is the deployment or maybe I just don’t want to get any older.
I actually feel bad for feeling bad. Isn’t that ridiculous?
I’m sure tomorrow will be better.
My husband has been deployed to the Middle East for 274 days. These are my real thoughts expressing my heart during his absence. I appreciate your prayers and kind words as we cope, adapt, and carry on without him until August 2014. To read from the beginning, click here.