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Deployment Day #38

by Toni Herrbach

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One of my husband’s coworkers stopped by last week to bring us a cake for Thanksgiving. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him when he stopped by so we connected via email.

In his email he said something interesting and very true. He said when we was deployed his wife would never ask for help, but was always disappointed when people didn’t stop by.

It was like a lightbulb went off when I read those words.

Military spouses are strong. We are independent. We don’t want people to feel sorry for us. We don’t reach out for help, not because we don’t want or need it, but because we are so use to bearing the burden we don’t want to place that on anyone else.

This week my friend who lives in Florida had dinner delivered to my kids while I was away. I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t even complain about the fact that my kids live on cereal when I’m gone. A few weeks ago my editor stopped by with dinner.

Screen Shot 2013-12-07 at 11.03.05 AM

They didn’t ask if I needed help, they just did it.

I share this because many people have relationships with military families. My advice, don’t ask how you can help, just help. Don’t ask if you can bring dinner, just bring it. Don’t ask to babysit, just give them a date.

Military families serve, that’s what they do. They have a hard time being served, but they need it and it means so much to them when people do it.

Last week we didn’t need a chocolate cake for Thanksgiving.

But we needed the feeling of being cared for, thought of, and not forgotten.

My husband has been deployed to the Middle East for 274 days.  These are my real thoughts expressing my heart during his absence.  I appreciate your prayers and kind words as we cope, adapt, and carry on without him until August 2014.  To read from the beginning, click here.

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