Dear Mom- Your Sacrifice Did Not Go Unnoticed

This guest post from my friend Bob is long and I know folks on the internet don’t normally read long, wordy posts, especially on this site. But it is worth the read. If this post isn’t about you it is probably about your mother, grandmother, aunt, neighbor or friend.

Last week one of Bob’s mother passed away. He wrote this tribute to his mother on Facebook and I asked if I could share parts of it with you.

I wanted to share it because our society does not value stay-at-home moms. I realize not everyone can or wants to be a stay-at-home mom. This post is not to make you feel guilty about your choices.

But if you are a stay at home mom I want you to know you are making a difference. I know the job is hard, with very few accolades. In fact we now live in a society where this choice is frowned upon and even discouraged.

My friend’s mom lived her entire life feeling like what she was doing was not important. She was wrong.

Moms, your job is important. 

My mom led an interesting life, a life in which much greatness was accomplished. She claims she was just a stay at home mom and it has been said she never worked. I have uncovered a top secret manifest that outlines what my mom was doing while nobody was looking or paying much attention to her life.

My mom first raised six kids and had fourteen grandkids she leaves behind and her husband, i.e. my dad of course. Raising 6 kids was pretty darn hard and I suspect I was one of the hardest. Back to the secret documents I uncovered about her life. She did drop out of the University of Georgia and who can blame her right?

She later went on to UCF, Georgia Tech, Florida, Florida State, and Auburn. While at these fine institutions of higher learning she worked on engineering, education, biology, art, communication, and computer sciences. She earned bachelors, masters, and PhD degrees. Not bad for a woman who never really knew how to turn a computer on or use an ATM card.

In the late 1980s she silently served as an officer aboard a nuclear powered submarine in the US Navy. She helped the F-16 fly with computer software she developed and she was a teacher and athletic trainer too. She even helped UCF start its football program. In the 1990s she earned a couple more degrees.

The fiber optic powering this network and the world wide web, yep, that is right, my mom had her hand in that too. She was also in the sign business for over two and half decades. Those Triple A trip tickets and membership forms many of you use,  well, you guessed it, my mom had her hand in those too.

My mom also enjoyed the outdoors and she helped create the master greenway and trail plans for Volusia and Brevard Counties. She did this while also starting the college of engineering at East Carolina University. She continued to be a stay at home mom and she also worked in special ed classes in New Jersey.

She marched in high school bands, danced her away across Texas, and sang in the high school choir in Sylva, NC.. She did it all, and, she continued to make cool signs. She even had a hand in making some really good gourmet chocolates.

She currently serves in the US Marines as a corporal. This year she even walked the entire Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine. Not bad for a woman of her age with COPD. You could say she is remarkable person. She had done it all and seen it all and she did it without fanfare, without the glory of being famous.

She was selfless and she loved her kids.

You are probably saying my mom did not do those things.

I would say technically you might be correct, but without her those things don’t happen the way they did. See all those accomplishments over the years are my mom’s legacy of her children and grandchildren.. Her life touched all this and because of her life our world is a better place.

She spent most of her life dealing with anxiety and not feeling important. She likely felt unappreciated and she went about her days quietly plugging along. She shielded her kids from her broken heart and fears so we could live and thrive.

There are a lot of reasons why my heart is sad this day and one of them is she never took stock of what she truly did for all six of us or took pride in being a pretty darn good mother.

Your sacrifice, mom, in a world where the media says a woman’s value is based on her salary did not go unnoticed.

Our lives, passions, and careers were influenced and shaped by you just being you and staying home. We were never latch key kids and at the end of the long school day, while you saving the world from communism or writing computer software to fly the F16, I came home to a mother in my home every day. A mom who smiled, who offered me a snack or whatever. Sure you disguised your efforts by pulling nut grass in the yard, drinking your unsweetened Nestea while reading a book, but you were there.

Because you were there, your kids had the ability to dream, to do, and become.

I have endured a lot of trials and tribulations with my own children from Kyle to having meningitis and losing half his brain to now Cole having a seizure disorder. I have held my sons in the worst of times, calming them, loving them and helping them through very difficult circumstances in their lives. With the grace of God and your gentleness you showed us growing up prepared me for times such as these. Your hidden strength of not giving up comes through time and again with my boys.

Our legacy is the wake of good and bad we leave behind in our lives.

Your life was not lived in vain mother. You were a doer, a dreamer, educator, scientist, engineer, sign maker, chocolate creating stay at home woman.

Your legacy spans two generations. The other week when we were visiting I saw it clear as day when my daughter/your granddaughter was spending time with you. Her compassion and her kindness towards you in the hospital was one of my proudest moments as a dad.

I was able to repay some of what you gave me through her. Funny, I have lived 47 years and through it all, you were quietly there with all of us.

May God show you what you have given the earth when you enter His presence. Your crown is full and you never really knew it. I will miss you and I love you.

                            Dedicated to Patricia Williams 1936-2014