This the story of how I became “The Happy Housewife.” You might want to start at the beginning.
I was excited and nervous about sending the kids off to school. I knew our oldest daughter would be fine, she had attended kindergarten and part of first grade, but I was concerned about sending our son off to school.
Even the small town environment, friendly teachers, and good recommendations couldn’t help me shake the feeling that we were making the wrong decision.
I thought our son was delayed academically, and I wasn’t sure how he would fair socially either. He wasn’t a “normal” kid. I dealt with my fears by throwing myself into projects at the school. I joined the PTO and ended up serving as Vice President. I spent hours at the school talking with teachers and aides about our son and how to best help him learn.
I spent more time at the school than I did at home and it the year hadn’t even begun.
On the first day of school I took their pictures on the front porch and sent them off to school. I had mixed emotions, but they seemed happy so I decided to be happy too.
It was weird not having them home, but I was busy with the toddler and baby so the hours flew by. I spent many hours a week at the school volunteering and working on PTO projects. I kept myself busy so I didn’t miss homeschooling.
While I was having a great time volunteering with the PTO, my kids weren’t having a great time going to school. I had a few “conversations” with our daughter’s teacher about projects, homework, and advanced work.
I also spent a lot of time making sure our son was on track and didn’t need any extra help. His teacher always assured me that he was right on track, but compared to other kids his age he seemed very delayed.
About a month into the school year our daughter was assigned a book report. She chose an American Girl book and went to work creating a beautiful presentation board. She spent every night for weeks working on this board, she was so excited about the project.
Finally the night before it was due I started helping her glue the information she had written up about the book onto her presentation board. Her handwriting was messy and she thought that gluing her handwritten papers on the board would mess it up. She wanted to type up the information cards to put on the board.
Even though it was late I agreed and she went to work typing. After about 45 minutes of watching her hunt and peck on the keyboard I asked her if I could take over and finish typing up the cards from her notes because it was getting late and I wanted to go to bed.
I typed them up quickly and she glued them onto her board.
The next day I drove her to school and I watched as she happily walked from the car with her project. It was the first big project she had ever done and I was so proud of her for working so hard on it.
When our daughter came home I asked how her presentation went and she said the teacher and the class loved it.
A few days later she came home with her grade for the project. She received an A for the book report, A for the presentation, and a C for the project. I was dumbfounded. I had seen the other projects and hers was one of the best. I quickly scanned the grade sheet and was appalled when I saw…
“The board was wonderful, but next time please have your daughter do the work herself.”
I looked up and could tell my daughter was upset about her C. I asked her why her teacher would think that I made the board. She told me that the teacher thought the board was too good for a third grader to do on their own and then she told me the teacher asked her if I made the project board.
She told her teacher that I didn’t make the board and then the teacher asked if I helped make the board. Our daughter told the teacher I did help with the board, because I had typed up her notes the night before the project was due.
I tried to explain to our daughter that I had only typed up her notes, word for word, and that she truly had done all the work.
At this point our daughter was in tears and I was close to tears as well. Our daughter was a bright girl, who rarely missed even one question on a test. She was very capable of making a great project board, but the teacher just assumed I had made it instead.
I called Sailor at work and told him we had to pull the kids out of school. This was just one of many incidents over the past two month where I felt like our daughter was being “punished’ for being smart, and our son was getting left behind.
There was just one problem.
I was the PTO Vice President.
If I stepped down people would talk about us. There were only a few homeschoolers on the island and if I pulled my kids out of school it probably wouldn’t help us make any friends or fit in.
I didn’t want my kids to feel like they were being left out because they were homeschooled in such a tiny community, but at the same time I knew this school wasn’t giving them the best education.
I agonized for a week about how to tell the PTO President I had to step down because I was pulling my kids out of school. I told my husband that people would probably talk about me behind my back and I’d probably lose all my friends, since most of them I had met through the PTO.
He said that people would probably talk about us, but if I lost friends over homeschooling, they weren’t friends to begin with anyway.
I was still afraid to pull them from the school so we finally came up with a plan. We already had a trip back to the states planned so we would withdraw them from school and then immediately leave for Florida. We would be gone for two weeks and by the time we returned, perhaps the whole thing would have blown over and people would have forgotten about the big family who leaves babies at movie theaters and pulls them out of school…..
Our children went to school on Monday and the next morning we were on a plane headed to Florida. I told myself that I would take homeschooling one day at a time, one year at a time, and never let fear of man dictate how my kids were educated.
Chrissy says
@ Ruth: It isn’t really the responsibility of a child to inspire anyone. This is particularly so in school. I was always a high-achieving student and as a result I had many children set themselves up in an antagonistic relationship with me, either constantly competing with me (I couldn’t have cared less, it was all them) or trying to tease and bully me. Looking back, I would have loved to be home schooled by my mom. She and I have always gotten along and are very similar in how we learn…it would have been lots of fun and I guarantee I would have learned a lot more from her. I was extremely bored in school and I was in gifted programs throughout. Only high school was engaging and stretching for me…private prep with small classes and very high expectations. It was great.
Toni’s daughter deserved a learning environment that supported and trusted her, Toni couldn’t have done more to communicate with the school, they had already made up their minds. It happens. I have also had negative experiences with my kids in school. I didn’t choose to home school but it was a near thing. My son really, really wanted to go to a school and I found a small Montessori program with a small class and several teachers (a 4:1 student to teacher ratio). They work with his dyslexia better than I can (I have two smaller kids and frankly….only so much energy and time right now, we also deal with numerous food allergies and therapies for two of the kids) and offer perspectives and challenges that I cannot right now. Plus…he gets lots and lots of time with other kids without me around. He tends to depend on me to cope with things if I am there, but thrives if I am not. This is the right choice for us right now. It may not be when he ages out of the program. Toni is absolutely right…one day and one year at a time.
ruth says
While it is right for you to be upset that your daughter was given a lower grade for a wrong assumption about the work, I feel that there are two points missing in this discussion:
1. Did you ever go and talk to the teacher about what happened so that your daughter could be taught that communication is the way to solve problems rather than walking away?
2. While your child is now able to progress at an advanced rate, she is no longer a shining example for other students to aspire to.
I’m sorry that the people within your community are not having the chance to work towards greater understanding of each other.
TheHappyHousewife says
1. I had numerous conversations with the teacher over the course of the nine weeks with no resolution.
2. My daughter’s homeschooling journey has allowed her to have a far greater impact on people than she would have ever had staying in public school. Over the past 10 years she as impacted young and old, rich and poor, people from all walks of life from CO’s of military commands to babies and preschoolers. She was not limited by an eight hour school day, rather she was able to use her abilities to influence and be a light to people everywhere, not just in a classroom.
Brandilyn says
I hate to read things like that, as a teacher I hate that people think they need to pull their children out of school just because the actions or words of one teacher aren’t to their liking. You know, there are wonderful teachers at every school and there are a few that aren’t….but usually communication is the best answer, and I feel certain had you gone and talked to the teacher/principal the grade would have been amended. I also feel that teachers DO know very much about children since we actually spend more time with your children than our own…and we can honestly say that most kids do not do their best to reach their potential with projects and that the majority of the time parents DO the kids homework for them that it was safe for the teacher to assume your daughters wasn’t done on her own…not that she was correct, but in general a pretty safe bet. I rarely have a student that would do that well…and if they did I would be thrilled to death! Best of luck with the homeschooling, but I’m sorry she’s missing out on all the fun stuff that public schools can offer too.
TheHappyHousewife says
I spoke with the teacher and principal numerous times over the course of the nine weeks. I was the PTO Vice President and was at the school almost daily. The teacher was unwilling to change her grade (only one of many concerns I had) even after speaking with her and the principal at length.
My daughter graduates from high school this year and I can assure you (and she would agree) that she had as much fun if not more being homeschooled for the majority of her education. The opportunities for homeschooled children are quite numerous these days.
Kelly says
I’m on the verge of tears reading this story. My sweet, tender-hearted, smart & VERY loving kindergartener is being walked all over by his classmates AND his teacher (Christian Private School). He told me last night that he “doesn’t like himself anymore” because of the way he’s treated at school. Talk about crushing a mother’s heart!! I’m SO ready to homeschool, but I have no idea where to start. I’ve questioned my ability to do it a thousand times, but when you said that you’d take it one day at a time and one year at a time, I knew that was meant for me to see. Very encouraging story. Thanks so much for sharing, and if you have any info. on how to get started (especially in the middle of the school year) please let me know. Thanks.
Cinnamon says
Kelly ~ Obviously you have hit that point of where it has become imperative for you to take on the challenge of homeschooling. Embrace it. When I reached that point myself, I had the some questions, doubts, and fears. Do research on the web about different homeschooling materials and determine just how much of a role you want to play in the homeschooling. I know myself…I’m lazy. I’m not into making lesson plans, teaching it, and spending half the day preparing for the next lesson. I wanted it all laid out for me. I also knew that I wasn’t keen on throwing a bunch of different curriculum at them for fear that I would leave gaps in their education. However, others manage to educate their children just fine with multiple curriculum. Knowing what I wanted allowed me to narrow down my choices and from there I charged on. Make sure you check out what your state and county laws are for homeschooling. That will also play a part in the way you proceed with your endeavor. We’re in our fifth year of homeschooling and I’m so glad I took on that challenge. I’ve never regretted it.
Kristin says
i too have a son who was behind in public school. for three years they assured me they saw improvement and for three years i trusted their oppinion. our daughter, who is a year younger, also started falling behind. i thought to myself, “my God! this is too odd that BOTH of our kids are falling behind.” so me and my husband talked about homeschooling and he said no. shortly after that was when the school started asking us if our son was medicated for adhd (letters and words i can’t stand lol). i told my husband they were wanting us to medicate him to see if he would do better in school (mind you, they said he was fine in school) and he FINALLY agreed to homeschool. we are with k12 and couldn’t be happier! our kids are gaining back what they missed out on in public school and that just makes me so proud of them. but it also makes me hate myself a little for not doing it sooner and for trusting the public school system.
Lori says
When my oldest son was in 8th grade, he had to write a story for his English class. The teacher called us at home and talked to both my husband and I–saying that he believed our son plagiarized his work. I knew for a fact that he had not b/c he was sitting in the same room as I was as he wrote it. Plus I also knew that he was a fantastic writer–having read other stories he’d written. The teacher never believed any of us—-saying that it was way too good for an 8th grader and if he in fact actually DID write the story, he should consider a career in journalism, etc. b/c he was very gifted. He gave our son an A- b/c he was too stubborn to believe that he actually wrote it. A couple of years later we had him tested for learning disabilities in high school and they refused to certify him b/c his reading and vocabulary was at the level of a 27 year old. They also tested his IQ and he scored a 159, which is well above the genius level of 120.
At that point, we pulled him from school and did very low-key homeschooling with him. We combined his Jr and Sr years, he graduated at 17 and entered the Army as a PFC two months later. He turned 18 in boot camp. He’s no longer in the Army due to minor leg injuries that have healed and he is one of the smartest guys I know, but has a very difficult time with school in general. He is passionate about medical things and wants badly to be a paramedic–he even took a semester’s class in basic EMT, but couldn’t pass the final. His instructor’s said that he knew every answer verbally but couldn’t get it down or understand it on a paper test.
I’ve said all this to say that it is a very rare teacher who actually knows our children. Parents know them best and it is a wise parent to realizes that and is not afraid to “bring them home”. 🙂
Kristina says
I have to tell you, I am so hooked! I started the story about a month ago and it’s one of the most enjoyable things I’ve ever read!!
Liz M says
I am really looking forward to reading the next installment of your story. We are at a similar point because we’ve made the decision to homeschool once my son starts Kindergarten in the fall. I’ve been homeschooling him for a year and a half already – you know, just the fun lighthearted preschool kind of homeschooling. 🙂 I’ve gotten some raised eyebrows when I’ve told people we plan to homeschool beyond preschool. Sort of like, “Oh you’re actually serious about this? I just thought you couldn’t afford preschool or were having a hard time letting go of your baby.” I know with all my heart we are making the best decision for us but I have a hard time not feeling panicked or guilty when I get those type of reactions. I always feel this nervous need to justify our decision. Anyway looking forward to reading how people responded to you and how you handled it. 🙂
Dawn @ Tractors and Tire Swings says
You know right when to end things to keep us chewing our nails until the next installment.
Can’t wait for the next one!
*chomp, chomp, chomp*
Ashley says
Toni,
I loved read this post! I reminded me of our time in GTMO and being on the PTO board together….I think that is how we actually met and became friends. I remember your anguish about having your kids in school away from home and how you longed to have them back at home……which also put the homeschooling bug back into my head. 😉 The year we kept Nick home was the greatest year I think, up until 2 years ago when we permanently brought our kids home to school at home!
I loved our time in GTMO overall, especially the simpleness….didn’t you?
Miss you,
Ashley
Jennifer says
I so understand the whole assumption. Sounds exactly like what happened to my son. That was the last year they were in a public or private school.
paige says
I missed that installment also! Love reading your story!
Sweetie says
How cheeky of the teacher to make such assumptions! I recall being similarily judged by a Geography teacher when I was 13 for presenting a typed up report…he took one glance at it and handed it back, telling me not to copy and paste from the internet! I was dumbfounded, I’d spent hours on it…I have to agree with you wholeheartedly about smart kids being “punished” and I totally feel for your daughter!
Heather B says
I missed the installment about leaving babies at movie theaters!
I think it sounds like a smart plan to pull them from school. That was always very frustrating to me when the teacher graded on assumptions instead of my actual work.
Homeschool on the Croft says
Oh, I missed that one too, Heather! But now I just *have* to know…. off to hunt for it!
Steph says
You guys don’t have to search, just click on the highlighted “leaves babies at home” and wallllah, ou are there!!!!!!