In my last post I discussed the importance of training your children, not only to be obedient, but to work. Having children that are willing to be part of our family team is one way I am able to accomplish many of the things I do each day. I realize it takes more time and effort on your part to train your children, but consider it an investment in everyone’s future.
One of the first verses our children learn is Philippians 2:14 “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” Not only is it important that your children obey, it is important that they do it cheerfully. In our house complaining about doing a job is the same as not doing it at all. We believe the bible teaches us to do all things joyfully, not grudgingly or with resentment. While I realize this is an impossible goal, it is something we work towards every day.
The funny thing about doing things joyfully is that it starts with us as moms. If we constantly complain about housework, chores, dirty diapers, or poor behavior we cannot possible expect our children to operate with a cheerful and joyful attitude when they are confronted with situations they are unhappy about.
When my children are dealing with bad attitudes I remind them of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 which says, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” We discuss the fact that the bible does not tell us to be joyful only when we are getting our own way, but rather to be joyful always, regardless of our circumstances. Not only is this a great verse for kids, it works for moms as well.
So, be a joyful mom, even when things stink… and I know they stink a lot.
Next, work with your kids. I don’t train my kids so that I can lay on the couch all day and read magazines while they keep my house squeaky clean. I work with them because I want them to value work, and value serving others. By picking up the downstairs before dad comes home we are serving their father. By keeping the stairs free of toys, we are serving everyone who walks up and down the stairs. By learning how to follow a recipe they are serving our family and others by having the ability to take a plate of cookies to a new neighbor or sick friend. By learning how to obey they are serving the rest of the family by minimizing interruptions due to discipline issues.
Lead your children by example and don’t expect from them things you don’t exemplify yourself. Don’t expect your four year old to have the same skills you do. Keep your expectations low, and your praises high. Let your children know how much you appreciate their hard work. Make work enjoyable by leading with a positive attitude.
Now on to the practical.
To keep cleaning fun (sort of) we have 5 minute pick ups throughout the day. With seven people at home all day our house gets messy really quick! After breakfast, before lunch, and before dinner I will set the timer for 5 minutes. Everybody works as hard and fast as they can to pick up the mess. I usually have a bigger kid work along side a younger one to help them put things away correctly. The kids, especially the boys, love the idea of “racing” through the house to get it clean.
Make it easy to clean up. I love systems, charts, labels, and everything Type A like that…. but if my systems are too elaborate my little kids cannot be involved. Unloading the dishwasher is easy for my little kids because many of our dishes are kept where they can reach them. Picking up is easy because toys are stored in baskets and bins. I have kid friendly cleaning tools to enable even the toddlers to work with us. A little child might not be able to sweep, but they can use the dust pan. Find ways to involve your children at the earliest age.
Silly is okay. When my older two were little they would sing the Barney “Clean-up” song when they had to pick up their toys. It drove me nuts! But I realized that as long as they were singing they would clean…. so I endured the pain. Now my little kids like pretend to be Wonder Pets while they clean. They have only seen the show a few times, but the song stuck. My children, the Wonder Pets, save the day by cleaning and picking up their toys, all the while singing the theme song. Annoying yes, but it works.
Accept the fact that your home is not going to look like a Better Homes and Garden’s cover. If your kids are home with you all day, or you have lots of little kids your house is going to get messy. I want my children to behave and take care of our things, but I also want them to be able to play. It is their house too. I don’t like for them to go from room to room making and leaving messes (we are still working on this one), but they are allowed to get out and play with their toys. Perhaps you can create a space for them to play during the day. We have a small area rug in our living room. While I am doing school with the older children at our dining room table the younger children are allowed to get out a bin of toys and play with them on the rug. If they tire of those toys, they need to put them back in the bin before a new bin comes out. This method has worked well for our family.
Clean up as you go. I do not like to walk out of a messy room, and I don’t like my children to either. I have found that tackling a job right away is almost always easier and quicker than putting it off until later. This is one area we are really working on in our house. For example, one of the kids sweeps the kitchen floor after lunch. If they forget, the crumbs from the kitchen are tracked through other parts of the house. When this happens not only do they have to sweep, they have to vacuum and their work has just doubled.
Today my five year old helped me put the inserts into the diapers.
While it took twice as long as doing it myself, I couldn’t help but think that in a few months she will be able to do this job on her own.
We had a great time talking about diapers and the new baby and I made sure she knew how much I appreciated her help.
Please know that I write these things as a reminder to myself. I am not always joyful, and I struggle with allowing my children to do things that I know I can do better and faster. My kids don’t always obey and they have been known to complain a time or two. We are a work in progress! It is my hope that these posts will help us all to grow as moms.
Nicki C says
Wow. What a MUCH needed reminder to me! I am so glad I found your blog (through 5dollardinners.com)! Thank you for sharing!
God Bless,
Nicki
Stephanie says
I really love how you pointed out that setting an example is the most important thing. I definitely agree with that. Our kids pick up on who we are and how we react to circumstances. They’ll follow our lead – what we do rather than just what we say.
I wrote about this same topic in January: http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/01/our-discipline-philosophywhats-yours/.
StephanieK says
Amen! Great post. I got the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Jr. for my son Ian. He has five jobs everyday and earns five dollars commission per week. If he doesn’t do a job, or doesn’t do it correctly (he’s nine) then he gets “fined” one dollar. He also gets fined seventy-five cents for complaining! We also talk about the Bible says to do all things without murmuring and complaining. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your family’s day!
Lindsay says
You are such a blessing to read!!! I so needed that reminder today. I am just sitting down to work on a “Flat Stanley” project for a friend in another state rather begrudgingly. You have helped me change me attitude about it and for training my kids, too. We too shall start the 5 minute race! I love the memory verse : )
Suzanne says
Wow, this really hit the spot for me! I am so grateful you are doing this series of posts. Seriously. I need them! I especially need the reminder that I am my childrens’ primary example each day. If I am not cheerful and joyful, then how on earth can I expect them to be??! I really appreciate all the tips, too! I love the idea of having your kids play on the area rug while you’re working with your older kids. What a great way for them to keep some order, but also have fun. Thank you, thank you! I am looking forward to reading the rest of your posts.
Amanda from Faith, Food and Family says
Love, love this post. It is SO true. I struggle with doing things without complaining sometimes. Especially when I feel my spouse is not pulling his share. By complaining, I am setting that example to my kids as well. I’m going to try to do better in this area. I truly want God to change my heart in areas like this. Thanks for a great post!
God bless,
Amanda
Courtney says
Thank you so much for these encouraging words and ideas! This is such a blessing for me. I’m going to be homeschooling this next year for the first time, so I’m loving reading all your ideas and schedules.
Mary @Raising 4 Godly Men says
This was a BLESSING to read today. Thank you for the reminder and such wise insight. Yes, we are all a work in progress. Moms and kids. [0=
I wanted to let you know you were VERY missed.
Blessings and ((HUGS)) my SSiC
In Him<
-Mary
michelle@babiesonline says
Great post!
I notice when I am “off”, it affects the whole mood of the house.
Wishing you the best!
Nancy M. says
My best friend and I were just talking about this. We decided we have to have a happy disposition if we want our household to be a happy, loving place.
momstheword says
What a great series this will be! Loved your post on training children. I built my chore training time into our homeschool day, and I am so glad that I did that.
We think that doing chores teaches a child a work ethic. It also teaches them perseverence, patience, and to serve, like you said.
It’s so nice to have help!
Person (also known as Mommy) says
I definitely agree with service being the focus! And about kid-friendly baskets–oh how I love my kid friendly baskets. We have a toy basket and a book basket and a “supply” basket (for diapers and wipes) in the living room. They’re cute little wicker baskets with white cloth liners so I don’t think they look too industrial, and it makes it very convenient for our 5 year old to put things away. I just started doing that about 6 months ago, but it is SO much easier now. Though we still clean about 3 times a day it tends to stay neater for longer.
peggyann says
Hey can I hire your kids when they grow up?
Thank you for teaching/working with your children!
Monique says
Today my oldest got a cast on his hand (broken finger). I asked him to do the dishes – it’s one of his chores. He complained and said he shouldn’t have to because of the cast. I pointed out that the cast is a consequence of his bad choice to race down a hill on a scooter he is too big for and (raising my voice) he should do all things with a joyful spirit and be thankful he only has a broken finger! Then I went to work. On the way to work I wanted to cry for not being the example of calm and joyful person for him. Thank you for the encouragement to keep up with being a better example!!! I think I’m going to write those scriptures down and post them around the house!
Merrilee says
Thanks for your post. It was definitely not a “joyful” day at my house today. I needed this reminder. The 1 Thessalonians verse has come at me a couple of different ways recently – it’s starting to stick more. 🙂
Thank you!
Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead says
Excellent, excellent, EXCELLENT post! I love the idea of teaching your kids Philippians 2:14. Maybe if my kids learn it, my husband will catch on and follow suit. 🙂
Denise says
Love your blog! You are such an inspiration! Reading today’s post was a real eye-opener, and I am making changes to become a better Mom to my 2 kids. I need to set the best example as possible.
So, be a joyful mom, even when things stink… and I know they stink a lot.- LOVE it!
Pam Collier says
What a timely post. My kiddos are all great helpers, but I’m trying out a new chore chart to help us all stay on track and I added the two scriptures to the top! Thanks for sharing those.
Ashley says
thanks for the reminder/encouragement… God’s been working on me with the whole having JOY – I’ve been lacking it in almost every area of life… I’ve been trying to take the time to find joy in the little things the past couple of days and I’ve already noticed a big difference! 🙂
Becky says
We desire to live according to Scripture, and “rejoicing always & no complaining” is one area that we as parents could definitely improve in. I see myself reflected in my 2-year-old when I am not living a life of praise!
Excellent post!
Sherry says
WOw! Thank you so much for posting this. We tell them that if you are doing your chores grumbling and complaining that you are disobeying in your heart. Great reminder of how I need to be joyful, too.
Lawanda says
I am a lousy example to my kids!! But I TRY! 😀 I really try. We don’t allow complaining either, although I have noticed us (dh and I) slacking off somewhat on this. It is so sad that it takes me so long to notice when we have been slacking. *sigh*
Great posts. I don’t want to read the next one, though. Schedules don’t like me anymore than sewing machines do! hahaha 😉
Staci Bickel says
Thank you for the scripture. I have a toddler that we are starting to work on picking up our toys and help out with laundry. He like to put clothes in the front loading machines. Of course I have to make sure he doesn’t unload them at the same time.
Bree says
really like these posts
Allison says
Great post! Such an encouragement to keep on track in consistently raising our children for the Lord and staying faithful as parents to set that good example for them too!
charlotte@ mama2tlc says
I have to admit, my children grumble quite a bit over work, and it is because I grumble when I have to clean up a mess that they have made. Well, I guess I don’t have to clean it up. Thanks for the encouragement and very timely advice!
Jenn @ Beautiful Calling says
Oh, how this series is just for me! Thank you. Looks like you have pink bumgenius! I have boy colors since I have a boy but the pink ones are soooo pretty.
Question: My oldest just turned 2. She loves to help around the house and obeys (most times) the first time however lately it hasn’t always been with a good attitude. Somewhere along the line she learned to stomp her little feet, or she will cry “no no” but in both cases, she does obey. She doesn’t talk much at this stage. You talk about a good/joyful attitude and I so agree! At what age do you begin to work on attitude and HOW??
Trish says
Great reminders! Thank you.
Courtney @ Sister To Sister says
Such great ideas and words of encouragement!
Thank you again!!!
Kristin says
I really needed this reminder. It can be so easy to complain about all the work there is to do, but I know from experience that we get a lot more accomplished with a willing and joyful spirit.
Amanda says
Sounds like we have similar training techniques. I have often told people I couldn’t do it all without my wonderful helpers! I do need to keep the right attitude as my attitude sours the whole family. Great post!
MamaMilty says
We are just reaching the stage where I really need to provide more ways for the kids to do things themselves. It is killing me! LOL. I am trying to go room by room and create more kid friendly access instead of everything up and out of their reach.
I finally succumbed when I found my 5 y/o scaling the fridge shelves to get the gallon of milk down. As I watched in shocked silence (peering around the corner) he got a bowl out of the dishwasher, poured himself some cereal, added the milk, got a spoon and put the milk away before taking his snack to the table. All by himself! Who knew? Certainly not me.
Joy @ Five J's says
Awesome post, Toni!
Kids Area Rugs says
Hey i really impressed by reading the article. Excellent info.
Rebecca Bailey says
I love this. I think I need to read it daily as a reminder! Thank you!
Lois says
I feel the same way. I want my children to hear me praising my Lord instead of complaining about the work I do around the house. I try very hard and hope I’m succeeding!!! Love the photos of your little girl folding diapers!! I am so picky about how our towels are folded and my 16 year old folded them last week for me perfectly. I made sure I praised her because there were so many times I made sure to tell her they weren’t done right. Great post!!! Hope you’re feeling okay!
Wendi says
These are great reminders for me! We have the “Hide Em in Your Heart” CD/DVD set – I think it has the “Do all things without complaining” verse put to song – maybe I’ll throw that in the CD player today and get us all singing and memorizing that one!
Amy @ Finer Things says
Excellent reminder. No use going through the motions if we can’t be cheerful about it!
Snow White says
great tips! we don’t have a family yet, but I recall growing up where there was complaining… I love your focus on the scripture — that’s something hubby and I will adopt in our own home. thank you.
Phoebe @ Cents to Get Debt Free says
I love your scripture references. Definitely good ones for the us and the kidlets to remember throughout the day.
Thank you so much for posting this–I really need to allow my children to help me more. And need to remember that they need to help me, so that they learn valuable life skills.
Amy Ellen says
Great post… I have followed the same thinking in our home and have four happy helpers… well, as long as I’m happy. They pick up on any unthankful spirit of mine REALLY quick… so thanks for the great reminder to me : )
Tiffany says
Oh how I need the reminder to be the example! My annoyance can not teach them to be cheerful in obeying! THANKS for the reminder, and the point to work along side them.. and tomorrow our house starts the 5 minutes pick up race! THANKS!