I have been struggling with my recent prescription for bed rest. I am a busy person by nature and have trouble “sitting” let alone staying in bed all day long. I want to make the most of this time and not have regrets, at the same time I want to do what is best for me and the baby… and for now that means hanging out in bed.
I also wasn’t sure what I was going to blog about (Yes, I know you want me to write more of Our Story… I will). Most of my blog is practical not philosophical. It is made up of my daily life, things I do every day and when my day is spent sitting in bed there is little to blog about. Thankfully my answer to what to write about over the next few weeks came via email today.
A reader wrote:
I am a mother of 3 kids, ages 7, 4, and 6m. I am in my 2nd year of home-schooling, but am quickly realizing that my giftedness is NOT in organization (of time, or house, or clutter, etc.) You are able to accomplish SO much with your time, would you mind sharing your schedule?? For example, what does a typical day look like for you (before bedrest, of course!!) What time did you get up? When do you have your prayer time?? When do you start school?? How many hours do you school in each day?? Is there a separate room for school?? When do you lesson plan, meal plan, grocery shop, fix meals?? When do you get to read YOUR books? When do you clean, sort through papers, file papers (DO you file papers???) Do you have certain chores that get done EACH day, if so, WHEN do you do those?? Any specific information would help me a great deal…
I was so happy to receive this email because it has given me something to write about. Over the next few weeks (or until I have the baby) I hope to publish a series of posts titled, A Day in the Life of The Happy Housewife. Hopefully these posts will shed some light on how I manage our day to day living and accomplish the things that I blog about.
I am going to start this series talking about my kids. I realize I don’t blog much about them specifically, but truly they are the key to how I manage to get as much done as possible. My kids are old. There is a big difference between having 3 children who are 7, 4, 6m and having kids ages 3, 5, 7, 8, 12 and 14.
Many years ago when I had two children ages 2 and 4 my house was never as clean as it is today, I was not as organized, we lived on chicken nuggets and Lucky Charms, and I bought all our birthday cakes at Publix. They also went to preschool a few times a week. It was only when our younger children were born that I realized the need to be more organized, neater, healthier and thriftier. It was out of necessity that my way of thinking changed. I realized I needed to do a better job of training my children, not only to be more obedient but training them to be adults.
Training kids is hard, and almost always interrupts something. Many times it seems easier to let things slide regarding discipline or to do it ourselves regarding work. Do we really want to get off the phone, computer, stop school work, put down a book, or finish up in quickly the bathroom because we need to deal with an “issue?” Usually we don’t want to be interrupted, however missing these training opportunities will cost you in the long run. A disobedient 3 year old can be cute (or not) but a disobedient 13 year old who is taller than you is dangerous. It is easier to clean the sinks yourself, and probably you do a better job than your five year old but, if you keep cleaning the sink you will end up with a 10, 15 or 20 year old that doesn’t know how to clean a bathroom.
My advice to moms of littles (and I am one myself) is to make training your children a priority. First time obedience is key and teaching them how to help around the house is very important. My kids have all provided me with different opportunities to grow as a mom. I have had some that were more compliant and helpful than others. A few were just plain difficult. None of them are perfect and we still work on cheerfulness, joy, kindness, and self control every day.
When my two oldest were about 6 and 8 I realized the need to have helpers in my house. Dh worked 70+ hours a week and I was at home with a newborn, toddler and my older two. I could not possibly get everything done each day. I realized that training them to take over certain age appropriate jobs would make everyone’s lives easier. From there it snowballed, today my now 12 and 14 year old are capable of running our house. From cooking meals to cleaning, to babysitting they can do it all, and at times they do.
This does not mean they aren’t kids, they are. Because the workload is split between so many people in our home there is plenty of free time for everyone, including me, which is why I am able to write this blog.
Enough of the philosophical and on to the practical.
Training tools I recommend:
These books have really helped me grow in my parenting.
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart
- Don’t Make Me Count to Three: a Mom’s Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline
- A Mom Just Like You
These tools have helped me get organized and have given me some great ideas on child training.
Now (although not really now because of bed rest) I use Motivated Moms to assign chores and keep our house clean. I print out the weekly chore list and assign everyone their jobs for the week. When someone finishes a job (and it had been inspected if necessary) we check the box marking that job completed. Before Motivated Moms I would print out a weekly chore list and post it on the fridge.
This is a sample of chores our children are assigned each week.
3 yo: dusting (with help), collect laundry, unload dishwasher, pick up toys, put away laundry, set table
5 yo: windex, collect laundry, unload dishwasher, pick up toys, put away laundry, match socks, dust pan, vacuum (with the little vacuum), set table, help with meal prep
7 yo: dust, windex, collect laundry, unload dishwasher, pick up toys, put away laundry, sweep, wipe counters, vacuum, set table, clear table, help with meal prep
8 yo: dust, windex, unload dishwasher, pick up toys, put away laundry, sweep, vacuum, wipe counters, wet jet, clean sinks, set table, clear table, help with meal prep
12 yo: assist younger siblings with chores, dust, windex, unload dishwasher, pick up toys, put away laundry, sweep, vacuum, wipe counters, wet jet, clean sinks, clean toilets, mop floors, set table, clear table, make meals, clean car, sweep porches, fix things around the house, assist with big projects
14 yo: assist younger siblings with chores, dust, windex, unload dishwasher, pick up toys, laundry, sweep, vacuum, wipe counters, clean sinks, clean toilets, mop floors, set table, clear table, meal plan, make meals, assist with big projects
Many of the organizing projects I write about on this site are done with the help of most if not all of my kids. I rarely work alone. I think working along side your children is a great way to build relationships and teach by example. More on that in the next post.
Other posts related to kids and chores:
suz says
Very good advice. Something I have noticed also (sorry if you or a commenter have mentioned this already) is that kids seems to love doing things at the same time each day. So if you get in the habit of doing homework at 5pm it becomes habit and they willingly do it (usually!).
Sherry says
Thank you for posting this and all the great links. Many hands make for light work. 😀 I have my children cleaning their own rooms and bathroom along with doing dishes and their laundry. They could probably help out with even more, too. I really like the “If THen” chart. That is neat!
Stephanie says
Thanks for the book and website resources. And for the encouragement that things get easier/more organized as kids grow older. I have a 2-year-old and a newborn…and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by breastfeeding, diaper changes, bathtime, bedtime, trips to the potty, etc. It’s a crazy, but wonderful “season” of life. I’m doing my best to enjoy every single moment.
genesis says
Wow I can’t wait to read more of the posting on this, I am only a mother of one (hes 2 and a half and I will be 20 in sept) Our family is so unorganized and its hard even with one to keep up on the cleaning. Hes good about helping with loading the wash mashine, he realy likes doing that.He also picks up all his toys and helps me cook and do the dishes. Hed sweep if id let him, but I like to sweep I let him vacumme tho! Can’t wait to read more! I think it is great that your children are so helpfull! You have a beautlifull family
Monique says
I’m ordering an “If Then” chart today!!! I have been trying to come up with my own “Thens” and they are often a miss what I’m trying to teach them or even why it’s important.
Person (also known as Mommy) says
What a great idea! It will be very interesting to see how you do things with such a large family!
I can definitely see how it would be different than things are with my young little (medium? I don’t know what three kids counts as) family.
We have a 5 year old, a 13 month old, and I am 8 months pregnant. Our son (5 year old) is required to participate in housework, but he chooses what he does based on what he observes are the needs of others. Our focus in housework is more teaching him to be thoughtful of others, respectful of belongings, and show love through service to his family (as we show through service to eachother).
The practical part of what he does is learned as he goes and is really far less of an issue to us. For instance, we are less concerned that he sweeps the floor with maximum efficiency than we are hoping that he notices that mommy needs help and offers to do it without being asked. If he goes the whole day without offering to help then we’ll work with him at the end of the day–“what can you do before bed that will help mommy and daddy?”–but usually he just does it on his own now.
Of course, if we had 7 kids I’m sure our focus would change 🙂 I’m looking forward to reading the rest of your series!
Rebecca says
I love that everyone has dusting, and as the child gets older, they get more jobs. I grew up as one of the oldest of 6 with one developmentally disabled. Somehow, perhaps it was a fluke, my twin sis and I are great about cleaning, but the younger ones horrid. They aren’t so young now (youngest is 18) and lets just say cleaning is a hard habit to gain if you don’t learn it early.
How old do you start your kids out with chores? I have my 14 mo old help pick up toys when we are done playing, but I don’t consider that a real chore.
Angela says
THANK YOU for sharing this great information with us. I have OFTEN wondered EXACTLY what the lady in the e-mail was wondering – how do you do it? You are amazing and I can’t wait to read and learn more! I can’t thank you enough for your insight and the things that you share with all of us. My life has been enriched greatly since reading your blog – THANK YOU!
Angela 🙂
dogear6 says
My daughter was one of those “poor poor” children whose mother made her do household chores. Her friends mothers and my own relatives were aghast that I had her doing chores before she even started school. Similar to MB above, by the time she went to college she did fine on her own. In fact, when she got her own apartment her dad put together a tool box for her. . . and she knew how to use it too.
Amy says
I’ll be looking forward to posts on this. Your kids are slightly older than mine. I have a 11, 9, 5, 5, 2, and 1 year old. The last two years have been a whirlwind with homeschooling. We added a baby both years. Things seem to be getting easier now. My 11 year old is a huge help. My almost 9 year old is getting there but needs lots of reminders to keep on task. I’m sure in a couple years when I have more older kids it will be easier.
I am counting down the days for my oldest to turn 13. Maryland has a law where you have to be 13 to babysit. It will be so nice to have her watch 1-2 siblings if I need to make a quick errand.
Amanda from Faith, Food and Family says
Thank you for this post! I am going to check out all of these things. I have been bad about doing everything myself because I want it done “my way”. I am a bit OCD so it’s hard for me to let go of that control because I like things done a certain way. I am really trying to let up on that and have the kids help out more.
I realize I need to let them do things for themselves or they will never know how to do it when they’re adults. This was a great post! Thanks again!
God bless,
Amanda
Judy says
Great post. I look forward to the series.
I know myself that in alot of respects I find life easier with 5 kids than when I had just 1 or 2. I think it is because of the fact that the kids help out with stuff and I am more organized (even though I have a ways to go on this area).
Courtney @ Sister To Sister says
THANK YOU! I think I am going to like this series! 🙂
Nancy M. says
It sounds like this will be a great series!
SimplySara says
Ya! I am really excited for this series.
We have been trying to decide if I will homeschool our son next year. I also have a two year old and a one year old. I am so scared that I won’t be able to keep organized…and sane 🙂
I totally agree with you on the “we are raising adults”. Our son has his chores his does every week and people are always so surprised at what he can actually do.
Thanks again, and I can’t wait for more practical advice.
Hang in there with the bedrest- I know it’s not fun!
Alice says
Thank you for this very useful and practical post. I only have 2 boys (3yo and 1 yo) and I am struggling with cleaning the house. So this has already given me great ideas to train my 3yo with the laundry and dusting. Thnak you 🙂
MB says
I TOTALLY agree about training your kids. My Mom went back to work when I was in 4th grade. She taught me and my sister (2 yrs younger) to clean our rooms, clean our bathroom, do our own laundry and make our own lunches. I also started cooking easy things like spaghetti in about 5th or 6th grade. And I did all the grocery shopping in high school (with a list).
I was entirely self-sufficient by the time I got to college and it was great. There is nothing better to boost self-confidence than being able to take care of ones self.
I will be writing soon about how my Mom taught me about money management (she’s an accountant). I will be following this series though…with two little ones, getting things done is a challenge!
Relishing Life says
Thank you so much for this series, Toni! It is exactly what I need! I, too, have wondered how you are able to accomplish it all. Thank you for the book references!! I will definitely check those out of the library and read them!!
Tracey - Girls to Grow says
Looking forward to following this series! You are so right about how the structure of life looks different depending on the age (and number) of your children. I have read Shepherding a Child’s Heart, but not the other two books you recommend. Hope to read them soon!
Southern Gal says
Thanks for sharing this. I have a daughter getting married in a few months and I realize I trained her about like my mom trained me…I’ll do it. She isn’t helpless. She knows how to do things. I could have taught her so much more. This just made me aware that my boys need to be more self-sufficient than I’m training them to be.
(Love A Mom Like You and the If-Then Chart. I would only have to look towards the chart and they would immediately straighten right up.)
Tiffany says
Oh Thank you! I’m so glad you got that email, and it is giving you something to do while resting AND giving me some much-needed wisdom! & we’ve just started a chore-chart here at our house… so this is perfect timing! I can’t wait to read more!
jami says
Thank you so much for your post and I look forward to the rest of the series (although I am totally addicted to “Our Story” too). As a mom with two young children (we plan to homeschool and hope God blesses us with more children), I would love any advise in starting my children off on the right track. Learning things correctly the first time is always better than back tracking and having to re-teach and re-learn.
Thank You for all of you insight.
Brianna @ Heart(h) Management says
Could you tell me a little more about the “If-then Chart”? The name piques my interest, but when I click on the link there’s nothing there. What is this and how does it work?
Brianna @ Heart(h) Management says
I love, love, love this post, Toni! While I’m certainly not glad you’re on bedrest, I’m glad that the opportunity for you to write this down came. It is so easy for me to do things myself. I lose sight of the *long-term* of what I’m doing when it comes to my children. I really need to remember that not only is it for their good to train them how to do helpful things in our home, but that some day it will really pay off for me as well.
*Reality check.*
MaryBeth @ FourSillySisters says
I am really enjoying your Our Story series, but will happily wait for a new installment in it with this great new series you have planned. I don’t have the luxury of such an age span between my kiddos, mine are a just turned 4 year old and 2.5 year old triplets, but I am hoping to gain lots of insights from this series anyway! Thanks for all the links.
The bedrest gig is much more difficult than I imagined it would be… I had 5.5 weeks of hospital bedrest before the trio was born, but try to enjoy the sleep and quiet while it lasts.
Anne-Marie says
Sadly, I was that 20 yr old who didn’t know how to clean a bathroom. I grew up without the responsibility of household chores. I knew how to clean up after myself, but I knew nothing of real housekeeping/cleaning. Most things I learned (and very poorly) through necessity.
From very early on, my kids have had household tasks to do. I wanted them to understand that these are simply things we all have to do in life. I did not want them to go into adulthood like I did (believe me, I’m still learning).
One of my favorite books on this topic is Life Skills for Kids: Equipping Your Child for the Real World by Christine Field.
jolyn says
What a great post. I am greatly looking forward to the follow-ups.
Cindi @ Moomettesgram's Musings says
Best of Luck with your bedrest & baby! My DD26 was restricted to bed rest with her 1st because of high BP ~ it wasn’t easy for her (or me!)
Stopping in to say Hi from UBP09! Finding so many great new blogs & goodies! I have 3 participating in the tour so hope to see you!
Stephanie says
Can’t wait to read these. I’m only a mother of 2 and don’t homeschool but am having trouble getting into a good routine. I’ve only been home a yr. I just bought Shepherding a Child’s Heart and already love what it is saying.
Bed Rest is hard….I was on partial bedrest when my youngest was born and it was hard. I sorted my husband’s baseball cards by year and # the 2 weeks that I was down. Gave me something to do other that watching daytime tv.
Good Luck!
DeAna Boren says
Hi, I just found your blog through Safely Gathered In. You definitely have some creative ideas, right up my alley! I work full-time and have two kids (almost 5 and 2) and it’s not easy to “do it all” with our schedule. We just bought a chore check-off list through my son’s preschool, so I’m anxious for that to come in so we can start using it (can’t wait to get him “trained”!). I’ve started the once a month cooking, and that has really helped save me time, especially in the evening when I can pop a freezer meal in the oven and get some chores done or spend time with the family while dinner’s cooking.
Lawanda says
Having older kids is good 🙂 I have often said that I do not know how I ever had a baby without a nine year old around!! haha
I wanna know when you cut your veggies and grind your wheat and bake your bread. Is it a weekly thing or daily or less often or what?!
I have to admit to having trouble keeping up with just the veggies, esp in the summer time. And I don’t do the grinding and baking, although I would love to… 🙂 I am working on getting Kevin to buy me a mill!! haha
MNKristy says
What a great idea for a series. I love the questions that your reader asked and look forward to your answers. I would love to know more about how your day runs with all your kids and homeschooling. Can’t wait to read more.
MamaMilty says
Ooh! I can’t wait to read more. I’ve got 3 that are 6 and under and babysit another 4y/o and 20m/o. I need all the help in this area I can get!
Shannon C says
Yeah, I have wondered the same questions your emailer sent! I’ve even laid awake at night wondering, how does The Happy Housewife do it all? I’ve discussed it with my dh as if he would know how you do it…now I get answers! I can’t wait to read your posts!