Comments on: Surviving Deployments with Small Children

By: Sunday Morning Coffee - MissWisabus.com

Sunday Morning Coffee - MissWisabus.com — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:55:33 +0000

[...] post from The Happy Housewife on surviving a deployment when you have small children. I have a few friends in this boat and I thought they might find the [...]

By: Ann Marie

Ann Marie — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:05:32 +0000

Stranger anxiety is a challenge on its own – and much harder when it involves your returning family member! It’s wonderful to hear your success story! Thank you for sharing!

By: Ann Marie

Ann Marie — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:02:31 +0000

You are right! Quality time and good memories are great because you can refer back to them during tough times! And remembering to pray with your kids helps them have a voice too!

By: Ann Marie

Ann Marie — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:00:05 +0000

What a wonderful idea! That was great planning to create a Daddy Video!

By: Ann Marie

Ann Marie — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:53:02 +0000

“I refuse to clean or do chores.”

Good for you!! I struggled with this issue much of the deployment!

I loved your examples! You sound like you are doing a great job with your little ones! Those night terrors are such a challenge too (My little boy had them too!) Stay strong Stina!

By: Monica

Monica — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:08:48 +0000

These are all great suggestions. We took advantage of many of these as well as using skype to talk via web cam when possible and having the kids talk to Daddy on the phone.

By: Sara

Sara — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:12:57 +0000

I’m in the middle of this right now! No daddy, and 3 kids 4 and under with another on the way. My husband videotaped about 45 minutes of himself running around outside playing hide and seek with the kids. Sometimes while he was “hiding” he would turn the camera on himself and record little “I love you” messages. It’s hard to watch with all the running, but the kids love it. We also taped several bedtime stories and a couple of “pep talks” (please help mommy, be kind to your siblings…) so that when they stop obeying me I can let daddy handle it

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:43:46 +0000

In the past two years hubby has deployed twice and he leaves in 4 months (shortly after birth of baby #3) for a year long remote tour. I have found that while he is gone it is great to have pictures up everywhere. We also recorded some videos of him that the kids could watch on the computer. But the best thing we did was letting the kids stay up later about once a week so they could chat with daddy via webcam while I typed. He also sent the kids little gifts from overseas and would call periodically to talk to just them.

As difficult as deployments are we have found that making sure you spend lots of time together before he leaves and explaining it in terms kids can grasp really helps. But most of all….pray!

By: Bree

Bree — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:33:45 +0000

I had a infant during our second year long deployment and we did the same thing with pictures at her eye level and recorded stories on video. We also got her her own “soldier daddy bear” from Build-A-Bear with his voice recorded in a chip in the arm of the bear. It is still a cherished item for both our daughters. It was still a hard reunion though… she did not know what to make of him when he came home. She was 1 1/2 when he came back and she was very leary, and jealous of him being around me. To this day she is still a major mama’s girl. It did get better though just had to have lots of patience and understanding.

By: Stina

Stina — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:39:34 +0000

I enjoyed this post. My husband is currently gone for 18mos. He had 6mos of school and then came home just in time for the 12mos deployment (we knew about this a year before so it wasn’t TOO much of a shocker). Our girls are 1 and 3 (bdays in Dec).

The 1 year old, of course, has been just fine. She knows who her Daddy is and is very enthusiastic about speaking with him via Skype and webcams…but she is a Mama’s girl for sure and it isn’t traumatizing. It’s just what she knows.

Our 3 year old HAS had a difficult time adjusting. About 5mos in, she started to have night terrors. It freaked me out at first…and it broke my heart…still does (although they are MUCH less frequent). It is impossible to explain this in a way they truly understand…but we have done the best we can and I think she is okay with what we’ve told her. She has acted out and been more of a handful when it comes to listening. Sometimes she will even blame it on the fact that she misses Daddy. I let her know that it is okay to miss Daddy but it is not okay to not listen to Mommy. Talking about it helps a LOT.

I purchased some Daddy-Dolls for them back at the beginning of the actual deployment part of this. Some days our eldest is not happy with Daddy being gone and want nothing to do with the doll…but most days, they both LOVE carrying them around and snuggle up with their dolls at bedtime.

Pictures are important. We have some up everywhere. It makes us all smile.

It is such the rejuvinator to have ‘me’ time. Not just after the kids go to bed…but to actually be able to get out and do things on my own. Every other Friday, a local church cares for the children from 9a-1p. I’ve been able to go to B&N and sit and read and to stores to look at jewelry (neither of which is possible to do for more than a few seconds with the girls). I refuse to clean or do chores. That time is strictly for me to do something fun. It really recharges me and I cherish it.

Wow. Sorry. That got long.
Thanks for your post, Ann!!! Very helpful!