Comments on: How Does Your Husband Help While He's Away

By: jm

jm — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 07:45:12 +0000

Hi everyone! I read all your post and it was nice to hear ya’ll get attentions from your husband that’s TDY. Mine is in a different situation,first he was TDY for 3 weeks,he leave a message but that about it.Never see him or use wbcam..he had a very rocky road on our marriage and Um glad that we make it through,it is also I tried too hard! Now he’s tdy again for 6 weeks,leave just 2 sentence and just about it! Never had any time for atleast 20-30 mins to see us on YM!Specially on our anniversarry. He leaves a little message and greet me but thats about it. He never asked how’s the boys or can I atleast see them or so, It is rally hard and painful for e..im not asking so much,all we need is a little time and effort,i know that we are million miles away but giving us importance and a little time will make me happy!

By: kamrye

kamrye — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 11:07:34 +0000

Well my husband and i have been married 2months and been dating 3years were only 20and 21. He’s in the marines and he left when i was 5months preganant and came back 2wks before i had our daughter and than had to be in cali the very next morning after she was born my daughter is now 3months and my husband has seen her once bc hes on base in school. he calls but the phone calls are never long enough and i feel like im all alone. I get upset bc one night he’ll be up later goofing of with his buddys and the next night hes falling asleep on me over the phone at 9 and im soo fustrated bc i wont a husband and not a marine. But i try my best to support him and not complain bc i understand that thats now more than just a job it’s his life. I guess long story short i just miss my husband i miss all the time we spent and had with eachother.

By: Dana

Dana — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:03:29 +0000

My husband had to take half a dozen or so business trips last year and they took some adjusting on both of our sides. At first, I was pregnant and home with three kids while he was having “dinner” at a well-known bar. That didn’t fly too well with me. The next time we were in that city together, he took me there (I had never been) and we had dinner, just like he did. It was so much wilder in my imagination!

Also, he is always “tired” at home – often falling asleep in front of the tv before the kids even go to bed! Yet he was staying out late with his buddies on these trips! They were always 2 night trips and by the second night I was furious! I finally realized that the “tired” thing was what upset me so much and he seemed to understand. Now he goes out to a sensible dinner with the older members of the group and then catches up on his rest in his hotel room. You were right – communication is so important. By explaining how I felt, he was able to understand and adjust.

The hardest part for me, still, is that he seems to get a “break” from our life – and yes, from our four kids – while I don’t have time to do anything alone. We have a son that is very ill and not able to go out in public or be near other people much so I am stuck at home with kids while he gets to escape. We are planning a trip without the kids when my son hits a certain stage of his treatment.

Sorry about the long comment, but I can’t vent like this on my blog! LOL

(Oh, and that $200 meal in DC last June? He is still *paying* me for that one.)

By: edj

edj — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 21:03:01 +0000

Communication and finances! We deal with those WITHOUT frequent separations. I am in awe of how well you handle these.

We’ve only had one long separation in our marriage. I was in Mauritania with the kids and he was in the US. It was rough, but we had worked out this sort of thing ahead of time. We’ve done lots of short ones, and yes, the car will break down, and you will need to change the gas bottle for the stove, etc etc.

By: Jerilyn

Jerilyn — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:53:53 +0000

I so admire all of you for your “can do” and up beat attitudes. Kudos to you all.

By: Angel

Angel — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:44:15 +0000

I am on the same page though my husband is no longer in the Army he works offshore and is 28 on & 28 off. I do love when he can get OT but sometimes its really hard being alone w/ 2 kids. I have to say thats its made me very self sufficient. Of course I now get mad at other women who can’t do anything remotely manly. I mean I can’t rewire my house but I can hang pics and do some basic repairs. Its hardest when someone gets hurt and I’m dealing with it by myself. I am fortunate to have family close but if it were something major I would hate to have to make the decision alone. I am fortunate that this boat has internet. (some haven’t) And he has an international phone and can get a phone card sometimes. Sometimes its like he knows I need to hear his voice. It is hard when he comes home and i have my ways of doing things and then he wants to change them. We’ve been together 10 yrs so we are usually in the same book and sometimes the same page. Finances are something we talk about when he’s home. We make a plan for the next month then review it when he comes home. Sometimes things come up on both ends but we make it work.

By: jolyn

jolyn — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 23:57:17 +0000

Lisa,
I feel for women whose husbands spend indiscriminately while they’re away; but I have learned that sometimes there is “forced fun”, or at least expectations of participation in social events during some TDYs: trainings; classes; etc.

Danielle,
I have often counted my blessings that I am not a single mom in the truest sense of the word!

farmerfiles,
I totally agree. Words are very, very powerful. And our men truly are out there in the lions’ den with some of the people they are required to associate with.

By: thefarmerfiles

thefarmerfiles — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:31:34 +0000

My hubs talks to the kids every time he calls me. We try (whether he is home or not) to not say negative things publicly about our spouse, and in fact, speak highly of them. It let’s those around know we are on the same team. That’s important for a guy traveling with other men who may not hold the same values.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:12:04 +0000

We call it TAD in the USMC. I can so relate! My only “issue” is getting jealous over his “vacation”, the sight seeing (“Paris isn’t all that great”), the expensive meals and having to listen to him say how awful it is, while I am at home with no relief for weeks. And it never fails that something or someone breaks while he is gone. I have so much respect for single parents!
So he’s traveled the world – well I have had some special moments too, with my boys.

By: Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:50:46 +0000

Ah yes, TDYs… my husband had many at his last assignment. He did make money but there were times he didn’t, because of golf, restaurants, guys nights out,ugh. I tried to see it as his little vacation, one that he would have an opportunity to bring a little money home from, so as long as he brought home something for his time away, I was ok with it. But the times when we nearly came close to OWING is when I’d get upset.