When a Friend Stops Homeschooling

The following is a post from contributing writer Angie.

I am a member of a tight-knit homeschooling group of approximately 30 families.  This meant that it was a surprise at the end of last school year when one of our members decided to put her children into a nearby public school.  While nobody had a problem with that, as each family needs to do what is right for them, it still made people feel a little sad that we wouldn’t be seeing that family.

At the beginning of this school year, I went more into a panic when my closest homeschooling friend was mere days away from putting her children into school before deciding, at the last minute, to keep homeschooling.  And then, in the last couple of weeks, our group has heard from two different families that they would be putting their children back into school in either January or next school year.  I couldn’t help but feel sad and defeated. Homeschooling isn’t easy, and when friends decide to end their journey, I can’t help but feel a little blue.

(I need to point out that I don’t feel sad for the family or their children, and think public/religious school is a fine alternative to homeschooling.  It’s just a general sadness.)

After these last couple of announcements, I finally had to do the following things to help turn around my mood:

Remember Why We’re Homeschooling

Everyone’s reasons for homeschooling are different, and most people have multiple reasons.  Our reasons are still valid for our family, so it doesn’t matter if other people decide that they will no longer homeschool – it is still what our family needs to do at this time.

While our youngest two children would thrive just as well in a public/private school setting, I know that our oldest son still definitely needs to be at the individual pace that homeschooling allows.  In addition to this, all of our children are still asking to continue homeschooling.

Remember That Their Family is Not My Family

I can’t know everything that is going on with their family, and the choices that they are feeling called to are not necessarily the choices that our family is called to.  Their decision to leave homeschooling doesn’t make our decision to continue any less valid.

Look Toward My Children’s Progress

My oldest two children spent their first several years in public school.  (A public school that we really enjoyed, I might add.)  However, they very much needed more one-on-one attention that just can’t be afforded in a class of 22 children.  In our time at home, they have been thrived and excelled more quickly than they were doing in their past education setting.

It was vital for me to look at this to remember this fact: Homeschooling is working for them!

Get Together with Other Homeschoolers

I think one of the (irrational) reasons that I felt bad was this feeling of being left all alone in this sometimes difficult homeschooling journey.  While that’s silly, it is just one of those things that jumped into my mind after receiving emails from two families in less than a week about no longer homeschooling.

To get together with other homeschooling friends was to remind myself that we are definitely not alone in our journey.  While we will miss those families being in our group, it doesn’t mean that our group won’t remain strong.

They aren’t Saying that Homeschooling is Wrong

If a friend decides to stop homeschooling, unless they start walking around saying, “I think homeschooling is wrong,” they probably aren’t thinking that.  It’s easy to feel like someone ceasing homeschooling is them turning their back on it and saying that the lifestyle you’re living is wrong or less than good.

It’s important to remember that they aren’t saying that.  They are just doing what is right for them at this time in their lives.  It isn’t a statement on what you’re doing.

You Can Still Be Friends!

While it’s possible that you might not be seeing them quite as often (especially if you currently see them places like co-op, field trips, etc), you can still be friends with them, and your children can still be friends with their children.  It might just mean that you all need to be more intentional in making sure you find time to spend together.

It’s also very important to note that this may be one of your friend’s biggest concerns.  I know that when one of my closest friends considered public school, she told me that she was afraid that she would never see any of her friends anymore, since most of her friends are also homeschoolers.  So, if your friend decides to stop homeschooling, be sure to let them know that you definitely still want to arrange times to see them and your feelings for them have not changed!

Have you had close friends who were homeschooling and then decided not to any longer?  How did you feel?  Did it effect your relationship?

Angie, a contributing writer at The Happy Housewife, is a homeschooling mom to three children and writes about everything that happens in their lives between all the loads of laundry at Many Little Blessings. She is also the founder of The Homeschool Classroom, Catholic Mothers Online, Tiny Owl Designs, and Just a Tiny Owl {Etsy shop}.

photo credit: whgrad