I came across an article today about a mom in England who has vowed to not spend a penny on her 2 year-old son for one year. With the exception of medicine and food (but not special “kid food”), she is swearing off all spending, no new toys, new clothes, fancy toddler snacks, she’s even going to use…. cloth diapers!
Gasp
Shudder
Faint….
Let me be clear, I think this is great. It is how I raised several of my kids, because… well- we were broke! What I find amusing about this is that:
- It makes the news.
- People think this is some kind of revolutionary thinking.
- People are concerned the child will suffer.
Minimalist parenting or whatever they want to call it isn’t a new trend started by upper middle class families who want to experience a life with less, it is something numerous families have been doing for thousands of years due to financial circumstances, environmental concerns, or choice.
Children don’t need a closet full of clothes, a room full of toys, and every new electronic gadget that comes on the market. The problem is that people often come to this realization after they’ve gone into debt purchasing these things.
My kids seem to have the most fun when they are playing outside!
Anyone who has been around children knows that kids usually like the box a toy came in as much if not more than the toy itself.
Minimalist parenting is great, but let’s stop using the term minimalist and just call it smart parenting. If you can afford to indulge your children that’s your choice. But it doesn’t make happier, smarter, better kids.
Your time is the most valuable thing you can give to your children. Invest in your children by reading to them, playing with them, and letting them help you around the house.
Kids don’t want more stuff, they want more of you.
What do you think, is minimalist parenting a new trend or something you’ve been doing for years?
Thank you!!
“Minimalist” parenting is something we’ve been doing for years. It’s how my parents raised me. How my husband’s parents raised him, How both our parents and all the generations before them were raised too. For some people it is a huge revelation that children don’t need as much as marketers tell us that they need. I’m glad that they have that aha moment and can start to work towards less stuff and more time with their children.
We raised 4 children without all the stuff! Even when they were in high school, they drove a beat up, old car and they could care less. None of them seem at all concerned about keeping up with the Jones!
We have always done this. We have succumb to action figures but with 6 boys we have added to our collection over the years. We even have the original ones my son played with 15 years. My kids would rather be outsidemor playing with a box. I think kids have too many wants. I want my kids to know its a want not a need. As long as we offer the basics food, shelter and clothing that’s all they need. The other stuff is extra.
I think Beyonce and Jay Z need to read this!
Right on, mama!
A lot of us were frugal before it was cool – and will continue to be so, long after the “trend” fades.
This is what my husband and I do. My mother was VERY poor. Her dad drank up what her mother worked for, so something funny happened to her, as do some people who grow up very poor, she spoiled us. Unfortulately, my dad didn’t fight her on it and even worse, she had to work to make that happen. So we had stuff instead of mom and supervision. I am thankful that through God’s grace I turned out the way I did. My husband and I decided early on (seriously early, we were 16 when we started dating) that I would stay at home and he would work and we would have much less. The funny thing that happened by having less is we have so much more. Plus it’s the kind of “stuff” you get to take with you when you die.
I totally agree that less is more. I have to be honest and say that this is a battle that I fight a lot – between what to give my kids and what to not give them. I grew up with little, but in a very loving home. Now that I can financially provide more for my own kids, I feel an urge to want to buy them things… It took a while to break some bad habits – like buying them even something “small” at the store when we were out. I’m working on it, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. I feel good knowing that we haven’t given in to buying “big” stuff and the latest gadgets, but we are working on the “small” things that end up in the house and in the garbage/donation box. Thanks for the post!
Some people would call this child abuse… I call it SMART!! Its how I raised my kids…. not by choice… I WAS BROKE! LOL!! But experience has taought me that as I look back over my life the best times were “when I was broke”!
It teaches valuable lessons to both parents and kids!
OLD NEWS!!! It’s the way I raised my kids. and the few toys they had I put in boxes and rotated each season. We did that for 5 years!
Clothes…didn’t have closets full of them either. Enough outfits for a week plus a couple of dress clothes. Cloth diapers and all.
This is just life for so many and far simplier and better in my opinion. Not that being able to give your children much is wrong, I just know when my mother had the ability to give me lots of things, the one thing I craved more was her time and after a period of time I did tell her to stop buying me things, I just want you.
It’s nothing new. I didn’t do it, but really wish I had. I was insecure & bought them what they wanted. Not only do you spend money you shouldn’t, but it raises spoiled kids. Wish I could do it all over again! I think the reporting on being a minimilaist is just like a lot of other things that are reported as if it is a n ew discovery….I see it all the time & it irritates me. I think it’s just to fill the airwaves & magazines, you know-acting like it’s new.
I wish our society didn’t consider this a newsworthy story and more like common sense. The mom had lost her job so it doesn’t seem like a radical idea to me to use hand-me down clothes and not purchase extras when you are unemployed. It sounds like common sense!
We were actually approached by a family member this holiday season expressing concern that our daughter was not going to have a good Christmas because of the lack of gifts under the tree (there were 6 items for our daughter and 3 for my husband and I). I was stunned. The family member accused us of being cheap and selfish and I quote “you are ruining the best time of her life because you’re so concerned with paying off your house and loans.”. Other family members expressed their agreement. Geez, forgive us for making sure that our daughter has a healthy college fund and that we are financially stable. Of course, it’s hard to take financial advice from someone who’s home is in foreclosure but is walking around with a thousand dollar handbag!
You’re definitely right..”minimilast” parenting isn’t anything new. Especially for people who have less money to spend on “stuff”. I think, though, alot of parents who can’t afford lots of stuff for their children feel guilt that they’re not giving them enough. And if the parents feel their kids are missing out on something the kids also think they’re missing out. What might be a trend is that more peple who can afford to buy more, chose not too because they realize that having more stuff doesn’t make you a better or happier person. I think that their children learn they don’t have to compete and “keep up with the Jones’s.” And while it might not be newsworthy, it also doesn’t hurt to let people know it’s not a bad thing to not give your kids whatever they want, even if you can afford it. There is so much in the media that encourages materialism, it’s nice to see the opposite view.
By the way….I love your blog. Thanks for all the great advice and recipes!!!
I totally agree that this kind of parenting is great for the kids. But I struggle to do it! We are a low-income family that homeschools, clips coupons, shops all the lowest deals and are very, very frugal. But, I have a problem with constantly buying my kids stuff on sales, at yard sales, and at thrift shops. It’s not necessarily “frivolous” stuff, but gifts are my love language and I love little surprises so I get them things often. My tiny little girl loved the puffy vest I just got myself and wanted one too. I bought a used one for her for $3. I surprise the kids with little treats on Valentine’s Day, patriotic outfits on the 4th of July, new hats and gloves when it starts to snow, etc. etc. By most secular standards they are “poor” and wear hand-me-downs, eat simple, homemade meals, and only get $20 spent on them for their birthday and the same amount for Christmas. But, they get spoiled throughout the year with little goodies, clothing and toy finds, etc. I would really struggle to not spend money on my kids for a year!
I am the product of “minimalist” parenting. Looking back, I am grateful that my parents raised us this way. However, at the time I was not happy about it. My friends would always have new clothes, cool snacks in their lunch, new gadgets, etc. Seeing my friends material items in comparison with my own, made me feel inferior, in my young mind, and a bit resentful toward my parents. Why didn’t they make more money so they could buy me more “stuff”? In an effort to buy my own “stuff”, I got my first job at 13 yrs. old, maintained two jobs throughout high school, and with my new found financial independence, moved out at 17 yrs. old. I always heard that we were broke, and matured into a financially guilt ridden adult. Every time I would invest in a new piece of clothing for myself, a splurge item, etc. I would be waffling with guilt at the register, even if I had plenty of money in my account. I’m not blaming all of my adult issues on minimalist parenting, but taken to extremes, it can have a negative impact on children. In your post you mentioned that kids don’t want more stuff they want more of you. I agree with this until teenage-hood. I am a mother to 3 children, ages 17, 14, and 2. I worked a full-time job while raising my 2 older children. I missed many school events, forgot important dead lines, was unable to volunteer, etc., and my kids were unhappy with my full time career. In exchange, I was financially fit and in return they had every gadget, clothing item, vacation, they could want. I vowed if I ever had another child, I would stay home and raise it, not have it raised in a daycare as my 2 older children had been. I have had that opportunity with my youngest and it has been rewarding in many ways. But there has been a backlash. Our lifestyle has changed and we are a “frugal” family now. My older children have had to adjust to our new lifestyle and they are not happy with the changes, to say the least. They have begged me to go back to work, so we can have more money for “things” and guilt has set in. I thought I was doing my motherly duty, in staying home and being here for my kids. But is my motherly duty financially supporting my kids with the lifestyle they deserve? My childhood feeling of inferiority and resentment toward my parents has come full circle with my own children. As I mentioned earlier, I am now grateful for being raised simply. It made me a very “real” person, contributed to my integrity and taught me that happiness is not all about stuff, but about family and love. I can only hope that my own children will look back and feel the same way. Lately, I have struggling with the question of whether I should go back to work and contribute financially for a less frugal lifestyle for our family? I am open to comments….
Totally agree. Not new age thinking around here!
If only the rest of the world would catch on, we would be in much better shape!
Jaime,
IMHO no one can really tell you what to do. When you say “living frugally” that could mean everything from not going to Starbucks (for some) to canceling cell phones, TV, and eating beans and rice (for others).
What I will comment on is my experience. My mom stayed at home. We always had enough, but not what mainstream culture would consider “normal.” My mom started amassing debt to buy us things we really didn’t need. She drained our college savings started by our grandparents so she could fill our house with things. She has an emotional attachment to things. The idea that things will make your kids happier is really a huge myth and lie sold by mainstream culture.
It took almost 9 years of marriage to finally realize what was important. When we had our first child we started to empty out the house in preparation for baby. We had to make room for a crib, baby swing, and childproof the house. We sold literally thousands in garage sales of things we “had” to have. Things that we thought would make us happy. Things like Partylite candle holders, knick knacks, dvds, cds, designer clothes that no longer fit, specialized kitchen appliances that we NEVER EVEN opened, crystal water goblets, etc. We have 1000 sq feet. I didn’t have room for dinner party decor/place setting and corelle/tupperware that I wouldn’t have to worry about around the kids.
Since then I have continued to scour the house and our lives to trim the excess. It doesn’t make you happier. In fact, in my case it made me grumpier. It creates clutter and disorganization. That creates mess and requires cleaning, dusting, and organizing. I don’t miss anything we sold. Now when I buy things, I put it on a list. I let it sit there and I think about it for a month or more. Then we budget for it. There are a lot of things I think I “need” that really, given time, I find a work around and I would really prefer to spend that money another way.
Leaning that relationships and experiences are what make us rich, not stuff, is hard. It means parting with things society tells us we need and re-shaping our own thoughts. I finally learned it, but I wish I had know it earlier. I wasted SOOO much of my own money pursuing “happiness” in material things. That got me debt. Debt that I am still paying off. It can be hard to stand up and be the parent when your kids really don’t care for your choice. This is a decision that you need to make, not them. They really don’t have the perspective or the wisdom to make a good choice, Process with them. Explain your thoughts. Tell them why you are doing what you are doing. Then tell them it isn’t negotiable. You are the parent and sometimes they just need to respect your decision and trust that you have their best interests at heart.