The following is a guest post from Jennifer who blogs at Getting Ahead. Jennifer is a homeschooling mom of 4, who likes practicing frugality, scrapbooking and writing articles for Hub pages.
I wish I would have read an article like this when I was first married, it would have made the road much smoother for me.
I was married almost 13 years ago. At the time, I absolutely did not consider myself a housewife. Wife yes, housewife no. I worked full time just like my husband and it seemed that neither one of us was ever home, how could I be a housewife? Then we started having kids. Even then I didn’t consider myself a housewife, but a stay at home mom. Can you tell that my focus wasn’t really in the right place? Thankfully things have changed a lot over the years and I thought I would share some of the ways I try to make my husband’s life easier by being not just a stay at home mom to my children, but a housewife to my husband.
My husband is a teacher and brings home a lot of work to do. This means that in the evenings he is almost always working. Rather than take this time to do my own thing, after the kids are in bed I try to be in the same room as him. This way, even if he is working, we are still together. We can talk a little bit, sometimes we watch TV together while he grades, etc. We are closer as a couple when we spend our evenings in the same room, even if he is working.
I always pack his lunch the night before and frequently make his breakfast the night before too. I want to make his early mornings as easy as possible for him. He gets up so early, he doesn’t need to hunt for something to take to work for lunch. I also try not to call him during the day. At some point years ago we got in the habit of talking each day on the phone and I would get upset when he wouldn’t call me. Now I accept the fact that he is very busy at school. And the more he can get done while there, the less he has to bring home to do. So I leave him alone. If we are dealing with an issue at home I might ask him to check in with me on his lunch hour, but it doesn’t happen often.
I try not to ask him to do things that I can do myself. It is nice for him to take the trash out, but I can certainly do it myself. Don’t get me wrong he helps a lot around here, more than many other husbands I know, but unless I really need help with something I don’t ask for much during the week. I also try very hard not to complain about the work he brings home or the coaching that takes many hours out of our day. I am not perfect, but since I have made a good effort to not complain about these things, we have all been happier. He is working very hard to earn money for me to stay home, complaining about all the time spent doing that was just damaging our relationship and making him feel guilty.
While my husband works hard to earn money, I try my hardest not to waste it. I want to stretch his paycheck as far as I can, because that means he can work less and spend more time with us. I know he appreciates all my efforts at frugal living.
When he is having a tough time I try to do little things to cheer him up. I make his favorite meal, make sure there is a cold beer in the fridge, buy him a pack of Twizzlers (his favorite candy) or offer to give him a back rub. Encouraging him to work out really helps relieve his stress. He loves to work out, but doesn’t do it often because he doesn’t want to take time away from the family. Letting him know that it is fine with me for him to go for a bike ride or a run gives him a much needed break.
Becoming a housewife was certainly a change for me. I am constantly learning more and more about being a better one. I feel that making my husband’s life easier is a big part of my job as housewife and that is what I strive to do every day.
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What an awesome reminder! Thanks so much for posting that
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Thanks for the reminder/ challenge! I could definitely remember to do some of these things. Thanks!
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That article was much needed for me. I am about to become a housewife (in six weeks). And I am both thrilled and scared. I don’t know if I can be as good as that. I will try though. It will be an adjustment for all of us but a much needed one.
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Your words are so refreshing and positive…and a great reminder/ inspirational piece for me. Thanks for such a great post!
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Thank you so much for this reminder.
I have been slacking lately in the ‘housewife department’ and this has given me the little nudge I was needing!
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Thank you so much! I AM this woman. My husband IS a teacher! This is great reminders!
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Yes! It makes me sad in our culture that we think it’s important to stay home to take care of our children and house, but our husbands aren’t worthy of such attention prior to having kids, or after they are grown. About a year and a half before I had my first child, I switched from full-time to part-time just to be more available as a wife. I worked for a Christian company, and while most people were extremely supportive, almost everyone was perplexed. It’s just typical to put any energy, focus, or time into the JOB of a wife.
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oh so true, it took a couple years, but eventually I came to take pride in the job I was doing at home and didn’t see it as a drudgery any more
Attitude makes all the difference!
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“He is working very hard to earn money for me to stay home, complaining about all the time spent doing that was just damaging our relationship and making him feel guilty.”
Thanks for pointing this out so succinctly.
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Yes you are a wise woman indeed. I love how God is calling us home to be there for our hubbies and kiddos. When we start falling into the beautiful calling we have then God blesses us beyond our dreams. It’s a GOOD thing. [0=
Blessings and ((HUGS)) my SSiC
In Him<
-Mary
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Wow! Thank you for sharing. It is good to have that attitude, even for someone lik me that works outside of the home and doesn’t have kids.
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Thank you for this article. I sometimes forget what a burden it must be to bear being the sole supporter of our family. I know I am lucky to be able to stay home with my boys. I also know that I don’t show my husband that appreciation often enough. Thank you again!
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What an awesome article! Thank you!
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Nice points. I have to say, though, the word “housewife” doesn’t have the same connotation to me. I love and support my husband, in many of the same ways, but to me, the word “wife” covers it. For some reason, to me the term “housewife” means keeping the house clean and the laundry folded and homemade food always ready. As a military spouse, my daily life, and all our family decisions, revolve around his career and me supporting him by taking care of everything else, because he’s often deployed, and works long hours when he is home. I long ago made peace with the fact that a clean house and homemade meals everyday were just not at the top of my priorities, talents, or necessities. One night when we were both sitting and reading in the living room (I agree, that is an important part of being together) I said out loud, “You know, I’m a stay at home mom, but I am not a housewife.” And he said, “I’ll say!” And we both chuckled. But neither of us were refering to the wife part, just the house part. I think a big part of being a wife, or a husband for that matter, is knowing just what kind of support your spouse really needs. I may not get his socks matched and in his drawer every week, but when he comes home with orders to move cross-country every two years, or asks if I mind him taking orders to a combat zone, I just sigh, and get our family ready for it. Wife, Sahm, housewife, homemaker–I guess the terms may be a bit muddled for our generation. But they all refer to supporting our families!
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